Resonating with One: the Journey to Wholeness

exploring madness

2012-02-15T13:08:00.001-08:00

When the "dog" barks, it keeps on yapping.
When this occurs, we want to shut the dog up, to be quiet.
At first, we do our best to nicely tempt the dog to calm down. We have it in our heart to say to the dog, "It'll be o.k. I love you dog. Everything will be alright." We hold the dog. The dog feels your love and you know it because he is calmer and yapping less. This seems to help not only the dog, but ourselves. "Ahhh," we say. "The dog has stopped yapping and now I have peace. Finally, I am at peace!"

Then we put the dog down.

Momentarily, the dog is calm but then he hears a sound and starts yapping again. He won't stop. Anger starts to build in the body, "Damn dog!" Any compassion and understanding for the dog becomes background to the louder voice that just wants to shut the dog up. Perhaps, one will do his best to hide the dog. He will tuck him away somewhere that he can not hear. He'll put a leash on him so that any "others" will not be so disturbed by the yapping as he. Perhaps he'll curse at the dog and go as far as to kick the dog. Essentially, he will deny, suppress, and project onto the dog his own lack of inner peace and understanding.

For those seeking to be one with God, who is unconditional love, the anger will be felt in the body. "If I am one with God and God is unconditional love, what would love do?" The seeker asks. S/he will notice the ego-ic mind running a muck, attempting a plot to teach the dog, and then see it for what it is: fear, a projection of shame. The seeker will be pulled between his seemingly "natural" impulse defenses and tactics and accepting the dog for who he is and knows him to be in truth: love, a unique expression of God.

For the seeker attempting to be one with God through love and acceptance, the effort may seem tireless and futile. It is important to find altenative ways of release. Healthy ways to communicate, as well as other attempts to release not only the built up frustration of circumstance and lack of control, but also of all projections of anger, resentment, and sadness toward any seemingly "other." It is also important to take space, "let go," when one is attempting to unify and feels himself "pushing the envelop." Ultimately, our commitment and intention to love and unify in oneness will override the ego's attempt at separation.

This is the difference between sanity and insanity in a nutshell:

Sanity sees love.
Insanity reacts out of fear.

Which one are you committed to?

Vigilance in Truth: Overcoming Doubt

2012-02-06T20:19:00.000-08:00

When in doubt, remember.

THe ego would love to have us fall back asleep to its comforting, yet self-sabotaging ways. It is that voice that tells us that we need to react out of fear for if we didn't we would not last. Going beyond the ego, the fears, takes courage and more and more courage it takes, for to live a life of truly being one's true self, takes more and more defiance of the ego, which it does not like.

The ego at this time, because of our awareness of it, gets louder, and yet because of our awareness, too, are we able to discern it from the truth that God, our father and mother in heaven, are guiding us every step of the way, if we choose them. This knowledge grows us in courage and we become unstoppable co-creators of love; Even still, however, feeling fear and sometimes doubt.

Doubt is a transitional period and it will not last the more we live courageously in truth. It is the ego's demise, the struggle within all spiritual warriors. Doubt will have us believe we are less than love, less than unique, mere idols to be played and fed by circumstance, unsupported and punishable by God. Doubt is what has us compare ourselves, looking outward for confirmations of our deeper truth.

It is doubt we must kick out of our mind. This again takes vigilance and remembering. It would be wise to take time and space filling our coffers with love and wise words, affirming our place in the world through affirmations, inquiry, acknowledgment, and/or other forms of mantra.

For this we must remember that the one and only law is the law of love and the energy that doubt would have us replace takes vigilance and remembering.

Replenishing the water, life force energy.

2012-01-27T22:22:00.000-08:00

When one is not taking care, sometime the river will dry. When this river dries, the convergence for which it merges becomes "hopeless." Negativity ensues. One must let their river, their lifeforce energy, their vitality, their capacity to be in the world and not of it, flow. Consider when the water dries, what is it that is needed to replenish it? Is there anything that is creating the water to dry up specifically? "Is there anything in the way that I have created to prevent more water from entering?"

When the water stops flowing, it stays still and after a while, the water becomes murky and dirty. No one wants to swim in it or enjoy this water. The life force energy gets cut and then it dries in its own self-loathing and negativity. Then, it starts to make everything wrong around it. It starts to blame and protect itself. It creates barriers around it. So the water stops flowing and the sun comes and eventually it becomes putrified and then it dries up.

When water dries and life force energy stops flowing, it creates a lot of fire. Is it anger? Ask Self, what am I afraid of that has me hold on to this anger? Is it sadness? What is it that has me afraid to let go of sadness? In chinese medicine, fire that is out of control is related to deep sadness, even mania. When the water of your coffers dry, ask yourself, "Have my thoughts turned toward darkness that I see no light?" or "Have I been living and reacting out of fear, that I stopped loving myself?"

Self-sabotage is often the case, in which we dry our river and prevent flow from entering. We sabotage ourselves because we are afraid. There is a part of us that benefits through choosing tendencies and habits, self-loating and blaming others. Eventually, however, the water dries and we stop loving ourselves. We stop loving people we are in relationship with too.

One must make extra effort at this time to replenish the water, the soul, the body, and the mind. Look at what way of being is obstructing the flow. Probably, it is a fear of some kind. Ask yourself, "how can I love myself today?" and do/be it!

Perhaps, when our water dries up, we may feel stuck because we have made more commitments than we can handle. If this is the case, choose your circumstance powerfully and that will be enough to create more flow, replenishing the waters of Self. Perhaps from this, an idea will come of what you can do. Perhaps, from this, you will realize your circumstance or situation could benefit you and another and that it has a purpose. From this, your attitude will change and so will how you feel.

Manipulation

2012-01-19T00:20:00.000-08:00

Manipulation.

The ego, living in its insane world would have us believe that to have something or someone within reach requires manipulation. On the subtle level, manipulation can be used intentionally, with some awareness, and unintentionally, without awareness or unconsciously. Either way, manipulation is done out of fear and only creates more guilt and shame, karma and illusion that will eventually have to be surfaced, whether in the form of crisis or emergence.

Manipulating really stems from a fear of not being able to be oneself. The more able one is be in the world without fear, the more courageous to be oneself and the less manipulative therefore. As the new age dawns, we will eventually become more and more aware of our self-deceptive ways and the unconscious manipulation created through the fear of not being oneself. This awareness and the subsequent choices may look many ways.

On one end, it will bring with it self-love, the presence of a love that is divine, warm, understanding, a guiding light. This guiding light will help us to be more courageous, to communicate and confront fear and it will also bring greater acceptance of oneself and therefore the world. On the other end, it will bring more fear, a sense of shaming one’s shame for being manipulative. This could manifest as more self-loathing, tendencies and habits that are self-destructive. This shaming of shame is really the ego’s demise, for only with awareness can the fear dissolve. The ego, which lives on guilt, shame and fear, will want to hold on to the fear, to keep manipulating therefore. One may find him or herself in a battle of light and dark, between love and fear.

It is good therefore to take extra time for self-love practices, incorporating throughout the day- daily affirmations, present moment awareness- of beauty, gratitude and love, a practice devoted to being One with God, loving the body and nourishing the soul. Because we have been so programmed to react in ways that are defended, to hide our guilt, shame and fear, we also must practice forgiveness. While greater awareness of that which we do not like may be difficult, it is in doing the work that we become clear, more in truth, which is love.

It is also important to note that because One becomes more aware of manipulation within Self, he or she may also become more aware of it in "others." Do not make this real by reacting to it, for to react, would be to bring it into existence and make it true, creating more of a wall or barrier. Instead, stay centered. If someone seems to be manipulating, state how what was done made you feel. It will get easier with practice and over time.

Seeking after the "special relationship"...

2012-01-09T13:35:00.000-08:00

SEEKING AFTER SPECIAL RELATIONSHIPS

What is physical but an illusion that tries to separate us from the gross reality that who “I AM” is spirit, is love, projected in human form. As I fall for illusion, I see the suffering of the world and I start to suffer from it myself. I begin to feel sad, as if the physical form is real and spirit is not, seeking after the “special relationship” that will unite me with God, as if it could. When the special relationship lives to feel better about itself, to make up for what it thinks it lacks, it can not bring me closer to God, but only further enmeshed in an illusion of fear and separation.

When it is not God they know they are seeking, how can two flames unite as One. When the ultimate reality is Oneness with God, to seek after a relationship that does not desire the same is bound to cause pain, a “guilt of self-betrayal,” as stated in the Coure in Miracles.

So dwell not on any relationship that seeks specialness as its goal, for specialness is an illusion that exists because of guilt, shame and fear. For those too afraid to visit, they will not know, until they seek the courage to know. It is up to them.

For those whom seek to make real what is really illusion, have compassion, give love from your heart and when they deny your love, do not make it real.

Do not give what you think is love but is really fear, for always, you must discern this for yourself, and have the dignity to carry it forth. You will know it is love if you are centered.

“Once you have crossed the bridge, the value of the body is so diminished in your sight that you will see no need at all to magnify it. For you will realize that the only value the body has is to enable you to bring your brothers to the bridge with you, and to be released together there.

The bridge itself is nothing more than a transition in the perspective of reality…In the transition there is a period of confusion, in which a sense of actual disorientation may occur. But fear it not, for it means only that you have been willing to let go your hold on the distorted frame of reference that seemed to hold your world together. This frame of reference is built around the special relationship. Without this illusion there could be no meaning you would still seek here.
The period of disorientation, which precedes the actual transition is far shorter than the time it took to fix your mind so firmly on illusions. Delay will hurt you now more than before, only because you realize it is delay, and that escape from pain is really possible. Find hope and comfort, rather than despair, in this: You could not long find even the illusion of love in any special relationship here. For you are no longer wholly insane, and you would soon recognize the guilt of self-betrayal for what it is.” Course in Miracles

What we give to others, we give to ourselves.

2012-01-01T14:26:00.000-08:00

Today, I was reminded again of the unconscious guilt I gave to a woman that I saw at the grocery store last week. As we were both at the salad bar, I asked her a question for which she abruptly cut off and answered, “no.” I was surprised, as she did not even here my question and so without thinking, I said, “Thanks for listening.” After I said this, I saw the reaction on her face, as her shoulders dropped. I imagine that she felt bad. Suddenly, I felt guilty.

“What was my intention of saying that?” I asked myself.

I realized that my intention of saying what I said was to make her wrong. Unconsciously, I was shaming her. I thought she should know that she wasn’t listening, as if she should listen. I wasn’t in the perspective of what was going on in her world. I wasn’t in the perspective that maybe she was really in a hurry, or had a lot going on or that maybe she wasn’t loving herself enough to really be present with me. Clearly, I have done what she did before.

The Course in Miracles speaks about this unconscious guilt, and even though, I feel much more aware of myself, I still forget sometimes that:

ALL IS CREATING LOVE OR ILLUSION BASED ON FEAR AND SEPARATION

This is probably why the foundation of the Course is forgiveness. It is commiting in advance to see love, however, knowing the illusory world is so ingrained in our culture, that the guilt we so often give to ourselves must be forgiven in order to truly grow.

At the same time, what the Course calls "unconscious guilt," must come into our awareness, before we are to forgive ourselves. This is because, "unconscious guilt" is usually hidden in "other;" we often create it when we blame and shame.

When I shame and blame, when I am full of "should" and "shouldn’t," "what's wrong," not accepting the reality presented in another person, and therefore, myself, I create unconscious guilt for myself. This is because what we give to others, we equally give to ourselves.

Even though, we can not be responsible for how another person experiences our words, we can still be responsible for how they create. Oftetimes, we are creating more guilt, shame and fear than love. To attract the kind of love we so desire, we need to be aware of our intent when we communicate- not only the words themselves, but the energy behind our words.

We want to ask ourselves, "How can I communicate my feelings, consciously, with love and respect for both me and another?"

To become more conscious of our unconscious guilt, we want to withhold judgement, blaming and shaming,"making wrong." It is possible that when we do this, we will experience the guilt that we would have projected onto another. Oftentimes, this guilt comes from somewhere of our past, which we were taught. We want to learn how to separate from this.

When we become conscious of the guilt and shame that we project, we can make different choices. By becoming more aware of our guilt, more and more, our choices and our being will reflect truth, which is love. If not, what guilt that becomes unconscious are likely to be a cause for many of our tendencies, habits, fears and wars.

Being present to our projections and the unconscious guilt that we were taught are important keystones to being in our own energy, the energy of divine love.

To confuse the body as real and spiritual awakening as not...

2011-12-30T22:36:00.000-08:00

A new day comes and still there are lessons: circumstances and challenges; illusion to continuously detach myself from while remaining in the heart of the holy, so as not to confuse the body and focus on it at the cost of love.

To confuse the body as real and spiritual awakening as not, would be to perceive the untrue and create more illusion from which we are to awaken from. Therefore, the cleansing of the mind is necessary and the body, which acts as a vehicle is secondary to its healing...

Pay attention to the signs and the visions coming through the body, for the body is a vehicle and also is a messenger for how to act. The cleaner our perception, the more healed is the mind, and the clearer the message therefore.

Trust in your visions of light

We need not be validated by outside for what is the healing of our own mind. For whatever vision comes, call it in and let this vision be a guiding light. A messenger that comes, which comes in many forms, and so we know it to be true that when an angel from heaven appears, we can trust that it is so.

They may move us to tears,if we let them, cleansing our soul of the lies in which we were taught but aren't real. They heal our perception of what is true and not true.

A message from above: when 2 egos collide

2011-12-24T06:50:00.000-08:00

A MESSAGE FROM ABOVE-WHEN TWO EGOS COLLIDE.

WHEN TWO STRONG EGOS COLLIDE OVER ONE, IT IS DIFFICULT TO CONVINCE THAT THE LAW OF LOVE IS THE SALVATION FOR WHICH THEY YEARN.

THEREFORE IT IS ONLY IS BEING LOVE, THAT IS THROUGH PRESENCE, CAN ONE INSPIRE ANOTHER TO AWAKEN DESPITE THE EGO’S CALL.

LOVE INDEED IS WHAT TRANSFORMS AND IS NEEDED FOR ANOTHER TO EXPERIENCE IN CRISIS.

FOR WHOSE LIGHT IS TOO DIM TO SEE, HOWEVER, THE EGO TAKES OVER AND CONVINCES THEM THAT LIGHT DOES NOT EXIST.AND THEREFORE THEY DO NOT HEAR NOR ANSWER.

TAKE HEED AND DO NOT LOSE ENERGY OVER WHAT IS NOT THERE BUT THE LOVE YOU CHOOSE TO SEE AND KNOW IS THERE. TAKE HEED AND DO NOT LOSE FAITH THAT THE ENERGY OF LOVE IS HEALING AND THAT OF FEAR IS NOT. WATCH WHEN YOU ARE AFRAID AND BE CAREFUL NOT TO REACT; FEAR ONLY CREATES MORE FEAR AND IT DOES NO GOOD FOR ONE IN CRISIS. TAKE HEED TO LOVE SELF SO THAT WHEN AWAKENING IS POSSIBLE, YOU ARE PRESENT TO SEE IT EXIST.. LET GO OF WHAT YOU THINK SHOULD BE YOUR RESPONSIBILITY AND MAKE YOURSELF NOT AT FAULT; IT IS YOUR RESPONSIBILITY ONLY TO LOVE..

the obstacles at love

2011-12-20T12:49:00.000-08:00

The only law we really need concern ourselves with is the law of love. Everything we do that is loving, with a loving intent, aligns with natural law and this love is rewarded to us in many forms and expressions. SOmetimes it does seem to be the case, as loving sometimes feels like pain for having done so. Fear, guilt and shame are our obstacles to love. An ego that is not aligned with love, feels bad and thinks it undeserving to receive love, so it sabbotages all attempts at giving and receiving love. This is why to be love is sometimes painful.

To align with the natural law of love is to embody it regardless of the circumstance and this can be very difficult. When someone is yelling at us, often we want to yell back. "Stop yelling at me! It's not me, it's you!" We project our own guilt and shame by making "other" wrong because we fear of the pain for having hurt someone else's feelings; we don't want to experience their judgment as it would make it more difficult for us to love ourselves.

When I withhold projecting my own guilt and shame, I get to experience the fear inside of me. I get to see that it is not them, but it is me, responsible for how I perceive what is coming at me. When I withdrawl projecting guilt and shame, I can see that I am afraid and I can also see that the person that is yelling at me is afraid too. Sometimes I need space to calm myself, to love myself, because when I am afraid, I am simply not loving myself. I can not love the person yelling at me if I am not loving myself, and if I am not feeling the pain that I caused myself or "other," I can not love myself or other. So sometimes, I need space to love myself and to calm myself so that I can see clearly. This requires patience.

We want to be aware of the fear, guilt and shame inside of ourselves because only then can we realize that it is in not loving ourselves that is the greatest obstacle to love.

Taking without asking

2011-12-08T20:46:00.000-08:00

I now have a problem, another opportunity to stretch and see. I am faced with the projection of taking without asking. On one end, the mind of God has compassion and understands completely. On the other hand, my ego-ic self wants to withdrawl, justify, and defend. While I want to lash out in judgment, the mind of God says “Hold on!”

How does it feel?

I feel angry, sad, and disrespected. Quickly, the anger turns to sadness. At the same time, I understand; I am not too sad. I feel compassionate and vulnerable.

In my body, the pain resides in my heart. I feel vulnerable there because I want to keep it open.

So then I ask, how is this person a reflection of me and what do I have to learn?

Well certainly, I have done the same thing. In fact, when I feel that energy is being “taken” from me, I feel justified to take back. I am not committed to this cyclical defense however, because it only feeds guilt for me, I realize.

It is possibly the case that for some reason, this person feels justified to take from me. Perhaps I should be grateful? Yes. I am grateful. Yet, we have communicated agreements and this one is not being respected.

Are there any agreements that I am not respecting? I suppose the only thing I can do is ask and stay in communication because I do not believe that there are agreements that I am not respecting.

The Course in Miracles wisdom would say that it is a cry for love...

If it is a cry for love, there is something this person may be afraid of. This person may feel resentful and feeling alone. When I am crying for love, I am afraid. Usually, I am feeling alone.

Also, when I take from someone, I am afraid to ask. I am afraid to ask because I am ashamed to ask. Because I am ashamed to ask, I don’t and so I take and then I justify why I am right for doing so. When I justify why I am right because I take, I am really hiding my guilt. While this is going on, I am not present.

And so the cycle goes. However, when I am ashamed, I have the opportunity to communicate my shame or I swallow it...

When I communicate my shame, I usually feel better. However, in the past, I have also been shamed even more. For this reason, I sometimes choose not to communicate my shame.

Every moment is an opportunity to be honest, to come clean with my shame and guilt.
Every moment is an opportunity to right my relationship with God.
Every moment is an opportunity to communicate love, rather than fear.

If I am honest and communicate my shame, I am free.
When I continue to hide my shame, I am less free because I am not present to God.

What am I committed to?

I am committed to love and awakening. I am committed to God. Therefore, I see the only thing to do is communicate. While it is always scary, if I communicate, I am in right relationship with God and I can be happy about that, even when the person I am communicating with, might be defended.

This is a reminder not to shame when one is being honest, but to hold space and to offer an opportunity for One to awaken to God’s love. Even when the mistake keeps being made, be courageous to communicate lovingly.

Be open to making new agreements.

As Terces and Matthew Engelhart, the owners of Cafe Gratitude, would share- the 8 superpowers of community are:

1)Make a request
2)Acknowledge
3)Apologize.
4)Hold the seat of love in the storm of separation
5)Generate the will
6)Have integrity
7)Be transparent
8)Check-in

Blocked by comparison

2011-12-05T22:13:00.001-08:00

Is it not the case that when one is in a group of people with whom they admire and find inspiring, they often compare themselves against what they are not. Too often it is so that when one is in such admiration, they forget to see the mirror that they are in themselves and so choose the disempowering story, the dream of who they are not instead. This is a consequence of having not looked inside long enough to see and love the wounded child, all of that which prevented us from seeing the love that "I AM" in the first place.

When we look outside and start comparing what we admire to ourselves, we become disempowered, forgetting that we all have a gift. When we look inside, we develop our gifts. When we look outside, we give them away. No expression in the universe can match the creative expression of God inside ourselves. Because we look outside in comparison, we prevent ourselves from seeing this inner light and so we diminish it as a consequence. Doubt ensues and we forget; we become unconscious.

Therefore, be aware. For to compare renders the ego as driver, often in defense, out to diminish oneself or "other." When all there is to see is the mirror we fail to see in ourselves, we give our power away when we start to judge.

Look inside for the wounded child that did not feel acknowledged and loved at a time when she needed. Look inside for the fear; as it is fear you must feel and let pass. Trust and have faith in the unique expression that is you and bless the mirrors that you see, for they represent the beauty and the wonder of the world, as do you. Be grateful that you see them and give them what they need. Give them your love and kind words. Look at the mirror of what they represent inside of you and take it as a sign that you too are on a unique path, with a special function that is yours, which God gave for you to fulfill.

Stop comparing and keep moving forward for to stay outside is to diminish your gifts and render them "useless." To feel useless is to see a world that is "less than" and to keep them there in fear and out of truth. This is the suffering of the world for when we diminish our creative aspirations, our gifts, it is difficult to be present; we can not serve "others" when we are not loving ourselves. To move forward, in the direction of our creative aspiration, is to love and therefore see it and be it in the world.

This is the greatest gift we could give.

Because I know.- a poem

2011-12-02T21:35:00.001-08:00

Because I know...

When you cut me off, I want to curse at you and make you wrong.
And because I know, I do not react so callously.
Because I know, I get to see myself more in everything.

Sometimes, oh Lord, sometimes, my thoughts have a mind of its own and
it hurts me like a backlash..
And it feeds me guilt, shame and fear.
telling what is "wrong"
And because I know,
It is easier to hear your voice to my rescue.
That gentle, loving voice.
Offering perspective. wisdom.
Patience.
Because this brings me peace
I know
and I do not blame you.

Because I know,
when I am held in judgement and all I hear are lies about you
I can let go and I can hold space.
Because I know.

Because I know
when I make a mistake
And I do not listen to you out of fear...
I can forgive myself and move on more quickly
Because I know...

Because I know
I sometimes want to cry in ecstasy
that you love me unconditionally
and I am free to know
When I am withholding love,
I just need to love myself
as you would have me know...

Because I know.
I am grateful.
Because I know.

Jesus teachings on the 8 attitudes to follow.

2011-11-25T15:29:00.000-08:00

The 8 Attitudes, taught be Jesus, interpreted by myself...

-Blessed are the poor in spirit: for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

Be grateful always. Share and give in trust, for I Am always provided for. To be poor in spirit is to manage and invest in resources wisely and not to hold on too tightly to any ideas, resources or people. A poor man of spirit gives what he cans, the means often are creative and from the heart...

-Blessed are they that mourn: for they shall be comforted.

We often fall for the dream of illusion and fear over the unity of oneness and love. When we feel guilty, ashamed and afraid, we act in ways that are not aligned with natural law and this feeds more guilt, shame and fear. To mourn is to acknowledge this in humility to God; for when we forgive ourselves, the light of God enters.

-Blessed are the meek: for they shall inherit the earth.

Blessed are the simple-minded, who strive for simplicity, peace and harmony with nature, with natural law. They will be blessed with abundance and resources. Those who call and respect the earth, whom do not hoard but generously share wisdom and love will be living examples of the second coming of heaven on earth.

-Blessed are they which do hunger and thirst after righteousness: for they shall be filled.

They shall be blessed with wisdom and a great deal of gifts that will help them fulfill their divine purpose. They who seek to know the laws and align with them will be guided because they are open and focused on knowing themselves.

-Blessed are the merciful: for they shall obtain mercy.

When we forgive and accept one another, we free the parts of ourselves that are frozen and full of judgment, shame, guilt and fear.

-Blessed are the pure in heart: for they shall see God.

When we are honest with ourselves and another, and when we work to heal our past through forgiving and accepting, we become more pure of heart. When we are aware and choose oneness over reacting out of guilt, shame and fear, it releases burdens, which makes it easier to be present. This makes it easier to see Essence, the divine nature in all beings.

-Blessed are the peacemakers: for they shall be called the children of God.

God is peaceful and seeks refuge in those that match its energy. God is attracted to those that strive for unconditional love.

-Blessed are they which are persecuted for righteousness' sake: for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

Those that strive toward unconditional love face challenges/resistance from many sides. Rigid beliefs and God-fearing "others" oppose those that believe in the ability to be One with God, to stand for justice and peace in the face of persecution, guilt, shame and fear. Bless them for their courage inspires people.

Channeling "my" higher self

2011-11-22T10:54:00.001-08:00

You need not fear the ego, but forgive its sometimes relentless, pitiful and justified ways. Your forgiveness tells me you are trying and for that you can love yourself for.

Habits, tendencies, and life lessons can be a challenge. To become self-realized meaning to know and act from the true self is a surmountable and courageous act, living in a dream that often feeds illusion, separation and fear, over oneness and love. Challenging it may be that doubt ensues within every spiritual warrior; as is remember- "the greatest battle with the spiritual warrior is the self" and that it doesn't just disappear. You just become more aware and so with this doubt, you must feel it and take responsibility for your part, as it is with you and you must separate from it so that it does not become you.

Do not fall back asleep to the dream; you need not suffer no more. Stay true to yourself, for your convictions are real and can help people.

You doubt because still there is fear of completely letting go. You must let go for you will grow in it and you will see more clearly.

You doubt your tasks and what I tell you but trust what you do, as it will help regardless. Where you see fault, learn and grow to do otherwise but trust too that your presence is enough.

Thoughts meandering: integrity...ego, the global citizen...

2011-11-17T20:17:00.000-08:00

I am not my thoughts.

It seems that one might believe it so much that they become critical, judgmental, and/or emotional to react as if everything I think, I should say. Clearly, all thoughts are not true and so, oftentimes, I ponder to myself without sharing. Oftentimes, I have few words to make sense of what I think and so when I speak, simply out of discomfort, I feel dumb.

I am comforted by what Gandhi has to say about this:

"Experience has taught me that silence if part of the spiritual discipline of a votary of truth. Proneness to exaggerate, to suppress or modify the truth, wittingly or unwittingly, is a natural weakness of man, and silence is necessary in order to surmount it. A man of few words will rarely be thoughtless in his speech; he will measure every word. We find so many people impatient to talk. There is no chairman of a meeting who is not pestered with notes for permission to speak...All this talking can hardly be said to be of any benefit to the world. It is so much waste of time. My shyness has been in reality my shield and buckler. It has allowed me to grow. It has helped me in my discernment of truth." (Gandhi, 62)

Admittedly, I often sit in discernment of my thoughts. My ego-ic parts still run a muck at times and although I am much more capable of discerning the truth from my ego, I still at times, just want to shut it up. To me, it is like hearing an abusive person tell me the lies I have been told my whole life. I am so grateful to have grown from feeding the ego-ic thoughts however, and will say that it is helpful to let them be, more so than give them energy by reacting to them.

Clearly, I need to meditate longer, or do I? I have met a good deal of powerful healers and non-reactive teachers to observe that there is that chariot in their being, a great deal of light, gifts bestowed, beside a shadow/ego that just doesn't budge. Perhaps it is the case that we can never get rid of the ego-ic machine but rather it is the awareness of who we are that is naturally good and of service to God/love that keeps our integrity intact and in service to the higher good for all beings. It is an ego that directs itself to God, to loving and serving another to make him greater than himself that separates him from the demise of shadow.

"The most evolved soul becomes the global citizen."

I remember hearing this at the Science and Non-Duality Conference and it makes sense to me; the more unified one becomes, the greater their compassion and ability to serve. Gandhi, Martin Luther King, Bob Marley and Jesus are the most notable in mind, all of whom praise and love God.

So perhaps the most evolved soul is the one who directs his attention to the divine, to God, who grants him his abilities, to be put to use to serve the greater good.

And so he merges into oneness to be all that he can be onto this life and serve for generations to come.

Medicine along the path: The gift of being shamed

2011-11-15T20:41:00.000-08:00

This blog is a response to a good deal of criticism and negativity that came at me from a stranger whom I haven't met...

There is no shame to feel sad that there are indeed people who say they are working on themselves and yet continue to project blame and shame onto you as if you are "wrong" or "bad." When they do not know you and you not them, what cause is there to make wrong but feel the pain of the world. This indeed is the pain of the world for to make "wrong" and judge what could otherwise be useful, creative energy, of service to love/God, becomes suppressed and denied, consequently manifesting as guilt, shame and fear. So the cycle continues as traumas reenact to confirm the already existing belief that what is outside is "wrong" and that what is "wrong" is hopeless.

To view the world as "hopeless" is really suppressed and/or denied creative energy manifesting as guilt, shame and fear; for to deny oneself of his/her ability to create, is, in reality, what keeps us less than realizing who we are. So some may fear to realize that who they are is more than who they are being and so may be so full of shame, that to feel would be painful and think it better to give it to someone else.

To be aware of this is to realize that although we are One along the spiritual path, to be absorbed in the shame and blame of another is to hinder One's ability to evolve, for to get caught in the negativity will only create more illusion, more maya to heal and clear.

Therefore, pay attention to those whom speak negatively and do not allow those whom abuse the gift of your presence to be given your energy any longer. Trust and have faith that all is meant to teach and learn that who "I am" is more than what many people realize in themselves.

May this be medicine for all evolved souls on the path of spiritual growth and development.

The Law Aligns with the Unconditional Love of God...

2011-11-03T13:10:00.000-07:00

The laws align according to those who live in harmony with the unconditional love of God.

God would not interfere with these laws, as God would not punish his children, simply for not obeying. All God does is love and yet for some, the universal laws have been confirmation to have us believe that we are separate from God, undeserving, "bad," or unworthy of God's love. For many, too, the wounds of separation may be so great as to shun another, and therefore themselves, in disbelief that they become unaware of the natural law and succumb to illusion instead.

Oftentimes, to share this information will only create a defended ego. The defended ego lives in illusion, all of which is suffering. Illusion masks our ability to see truth to the possibility of heaven on earth. However, it is our natural state, that who we are is divine, eternally born from heaven. On earth, we have the potential to be vehicles for God's work, if we so choose to awaken from the illusion, and realize that heaven is indeed in the mind, in our thinking. In this knowing, we can see every minute is a choice and all choices are opportunities to awaken and choose love over fear. It will be difficult indeed for making this choice may mean surrendering one's ego to open-heartedly accept judgement, ridicule, and shame, for the sake of unconditional love, not seemingly felt or reciprocated in return.

When love is so often mixed with fear, it is difficult to discern. However, it is what we must do, for heaven on earth is not born of fear. Such is the case for me today that in a workshop, I was ridiculed and shamed for "being late" and not saying what the "others" wanted me to say to make up for breaking my word. I was an example for many and it was not personal; however it was a long draw for at least an hour, and many people were angry and impatient. It seemed a test, and to me, it was a test to be love. In this instance, I got to observe that in whose love I felt, I was deeply moved. In whose fear I felt, I was pained. How difficult, brave and courageous it is indeed, to be love, while in witness to a people that seems to feed the belief, that to give fear is to love and necessary for us to learn...

At times like these, I am grateful to know that God's love for me is unconditional and that the truth be known, heaven, where God lives, is within me calling me to my rescue. It is choosing loving myself over ego that I do not become callous and closed off and blaming another for not being seen. It is choosing to love myself that I become energized to give more love-unconditionally, albeit, with a good deal of forethought still, extracting truth from illusion in process.

Blessed are thee who call to heaven, out of love, and who strive to love unconditionally.

While it is true that I have still yet to perfect and manifest what I wish on demand and I still feel pain and with lessons to learn, I carry in my heart- more trust and faith. I feel blessed with wisdom and perspective, more peace, love, and compassion, and a great deal of gifts from heaven that I have never been more present to in my life. And while I hear people tell me how much I must do, I see that the being overrides doing, so that I need not do too much to manifest, but trust and have faith that all is unfolding and all will come in good time.

Fire Burning. Mind Wandering. Growing deeper into Earth.

2011-10-31T14:40:00.000-07:00

I wonder how many of us can wake up into realizing the infinite possibilities and potential of creating more love in the world than fear. More of us embodying God’s unconditional love and grace and therefore, the freedom it brings to be of service to Mother Earth and her children and truly have fun and play in our bodies, without the need to hurt other potential awakened divine beings on earth...

I wonder...

I wonder how much time we have and about the next 7 generations to come...

I wonder how to be more effective with my words and if I am not, I pray for the courage to look and see where I am afraid...

I have a fire burning within me that wants to protect and help awaken the “crystal children,” the children of God that actually know it and have less fear because of it. I predict there will be more of them and that it will be fear that tries to suppress them, hindering our evolution into the next stage, the Aquarian Age. This is the age in which we realize our full potential. It is also the age of complete turn-around, which many will experience as crisis.

It is necessary that we look inside ourselves therefore. I pray that more and more, we set our intention to know God, feel fear and move forward, opening ourselves to alternative perspectives, new possibilities and greater trust, both within and out. I pray for the awakening, the courage to confront and stir the minds of those who doubt in themselves, while being unconditional love.

I have been asking myself what would unconditional love do or say to a person who wants to hurt people, physically, mentally, emotionally, or spiritually. Would it not also mean that it is he who also wishes to hurt himself, for fear of being “bad” or undeserving of love, would create guilt and that would mean he would have to feel.

He thinks he is a “bad” person and fears something within himself that he keeps on manipulating and unconsciously telling lies and creating fear...

1)Would love accept the lie and swallow the truth, not making what is said real or mean anything?
2)Would love accept and allow, that what will inspire and awaken can really only be in the direct experience of God and light shining within “others”.
3)Would love be direct and confronting and tell One what he may not be ready or desirous to here, if it will help him now or later down the road?

The answer to all of them, I believe, is YES. Unconditional love would see the wounded child, past history, social conditioning, karma.. and have compassion, acting according to that.

Admittedly, I realize that the ground from which I work feels shaky at times. Floods of doubt and fear come over to say things like, “Who am I?” “I shouldn’t...” But I also know that the purity of love will keep me intact and that things for “me” have still yet to unfold, constantly unfolding. Clearly, this question comes because I have many encounters and experiences within myself and observing outside, to see that what holds us back from love is often our own lack of awareness in truth and that the courage to confront has it’s costs and benefits which I must look at in myself...

And so I now turn to realize that perhaps it is the part of me that feels loneliness that would have me doubt my actions and words when I do indeed confront and face the emotions that come from doing so.

As I realize this, I can let it go. I can let go and trust that I AM Unconditional Love and that the words I say and actions I take will teach me something and “other,” whether now or down the road. To escape “loneliness” is an illusion for what is it, but an indication for me to love myself. This only comes with the awareness of knowing who I am and that I wouldn’t want anything but to be the brightest light I can be on this earth.

I am true to my commitment once I am reminded, that the business of awakening in a world that feeds separation is not always easy and even the more “awake” people feel sad, lonely and tired of hearing judgment.

Because the belief that we are separate, creates more of it, thinking and feeling “bad” needs to be confronted and looked at deeper. To think that I am deserving of punishment feeds self-loathing, which feeds all our deep and dark desires, which feeds more guilt, and so the cycle goes.

To confront is necessary and it is loving, as long as one is aware of the benefits gained and the possibilities intended. That to be love is to speak it regardless of the perceived losses and pitfalls and to not, is to sit and watch someone live out of darkness and suffering and create more of it in the world.

I realize also within me that what is being confronted with “other” is also medicine for me, meant to teach and prepare me for what I do not see in myself, the many facades of myself, that is.

I am thrilled right now to currently be reading the autobiography of Gandhi. How opinionated was he and humble in his humanness and yet such a light of truth and purity in his heart. I am happy to here his process, his journey and commitment to choose the light of truth. I am inspired by his humility and courage to share himself with transparency and I hope to live and walk with confidence and courage as he, despite my humanness. I wish the same for "others."

May we all walk in the light of truth that who we are is divine and full of infinite creative potential. May we walk and talk and be an example of humbleness, humility and grace that we need not be perfect but authentic to ourselves and creator. May what is unconscious, become conscious, felt and healed, so that we may live in the light of truth, that to think "bad" simply creates more of it and we need not suffer more than we need. Amen.

Prayer

2011-10-18T12:52:00.000-07:00

I pray that I may let go enough to see the illusions- all of that which prevent me from experiencing the presence of love. All the fear, all the doubt, whether mine or "other," I pray that I continue to walk in self-reflective courage to see and be love, no matter what.

I pray that I walk in courage, knowing that I am a unique expression of the divine and that is enough to keep me moving forward. I need not compare myself. I need not prove to any ego that I am good enough, smart enough, or worthy enough.

I pray to distinguish all doubt from the truth that loves me and shows me who I am, which is divine and one with all.

I pray that I walk with the awareness of knowing that it is not God that doubts me, rather it is ego/fear and that this is the only distinction that I need to make in my life.

I forgive the ego, who thrives on guilt, shame and fear, and I am grateful, for it invariably shows me where separation leads and where I'd rather be, which is in the blissful state of knowing that love is the answer to everything in my life.

I let go of labels and I release the need to know. I trust that everything is working accordingly and in this knowing, I walk forward knowing that I am here for a purpose and that purpose is to serve the evolution of unconditional love, which is God.

I am grateful for everything in my life.

I am patient, trusting and I walk in faith that the love of God will pull us through all chaos, crisis, and illusion. I need not fall into the trap of believing that heaven is anywhere other than in the mind. In this knowing, I realize that heaven is a constant choice and that heaven is where all miracles live.

Lying

2011-10-07T11:36:00.000-07:00

The source of love does not reside outside. We often think we need to lie because we believe that it does. We feel ashamed of things we do, that lying becomes the habitual form of holding back. We say, we need to lie and that if we didn’t, we’d hurt “others” feelings but the truth is, we feel we need to lie because the shame and guilt we feel. A lot of us were conditioned to believe that if we didn’t lie, it would be too hard and burdensome to face the shame and guilt. At the root is a fear of judgement that if we were judged, we’d in turn have to face judgement on ourselves and that would make it more difficult to love ourselves. So we hold back, thinking we need to lie, only to face the consequence of guilt we have for lying and more lying and hiding to cover up.

If we knew that we were the source of love and that the love of God were in fact unconditional, that anything other than the love of God is ego, our choices to be courageous in the face of fear and judgment would be easier. This is my experience at least, that when I want to hide and become confronted, I realize the shame and can then decide to let it go. All I need is to remember the love of God is unconditional and that it was that in a flash, I chose fear and lied only to be presented with the shame and guilt as a consequence.

The Course in Miracles sources forgiveness as the salvation through which we render freedom and that if it were not for the guilt and fear the ego would not thrive to create the divisions we would have ourselves see or experience within ourselves. So perhaps it is that in lying, we mask shame, guilt and fear, only to create more of it, and that only until it is confronted within and acknowledged, do we have this opportunity to forgive ourselves and let go.

Remembering takes Healing

2011-10-02T16:32:00.000-07:00

Life it seems is a process of remembering and then integrating what we forgot into manifesting something that is for the good of all. It is our unique expression of love and of creation that is divine. We forget because we have been socially conditioned throughout lifetimes. We have been socially conditioned through media, friends, family, education, religion, and even art. We have been conditioned to look outside ourselves for answers.

Often, we don’t give ourselves the time and space to look within ourselves and we don’t have the mirrors that encourage this either. Easily do we forget the truth that who we are is divine and with that is infinite creative potential. This is one reason we turn and hide, that when we are constantly looking outside ourselves for answers, we get mirrors of suppressed and denied guilt, shame and fear that make it difficult to feel and see the truth that is inside. This truth is the way through every block perceived. At the same time, we mirror this guilt, shame and fear so we create more of it in ourselves and in the world. There is no one to blame and yet it is important to know that One is the true source of power, that is the deeper wisdom that is within. With this said, it is vital that as we evolve, that we find mirrors to foster this inner growth and that we take the time to go inside ourselves and look deeper at why we do the things we do.

Guilt, shame and fear are often disguised as projections of blame, the need to control, be right, superior, and/or victim. They are often what lie beneath the surface, driving our actions, that anyone looking to learn about themselves and heal will have to uncover and acknowledge. It will be difficult for some and yet the process of remembering takes undoing ourselves from the sources, the mass conditioning and paradigm that believes that we must fear in order to be better. Few have really benefitted from this paradigm thinking, while a great deal of us suffer.

Because it will be difficult to see that many of our perplexing thoughts and negative feelings are actually created by us, we will want to process this with another. At the same time, always trust the light. Imagine light. Visualize it. Integrate it into the shadow as much as possible. Invite it in and more of it will come. This light is love and you will know this light is love by the peace that it brings. This light is God and is always inside us.

Until we learn to integrate this light, the process of remembering could be clouded with doubt. This doubt is likely to suppress our truth that who we are is infinite, spiritual and beyond anything dark or base or negative that we fear. In time, this doubt will reveal itself as one of the greatest blocks to spiritual growth and development.

May the higher purpose be served.

The evolutionary principle: Shifting our awareness to love's presence

2011-09-25T10:04:00.001-07:00

Why is it that we sometimes wish ourselves to be superior, greater than, or better than "other?"

What would be at the root is a greater effort to be and see love in ourselves; however still, feeding the ego-ic machine that runs on fear, guilt and shame. The more fragmented we are into believing that those people we see are competitors rather than mirrors or aspects of ourselves, the more we judge and compare, forgetting to trust that we matter, every one of us. We fear not mattering. We project our guilt of being imperfect and we also shame ourselves for it. Instead of knowing that we all have a purpose, a function, a duty and a light that is our own unique expression of love to this world, we focus and feed the illusion of power and separation instead.

Because the ego-ic machine has been running our lives for lifetimes, it is very difficult to see that shame, guilt and fear has been the driving force behind our actions and that because of this, our thinking requires a rewiring into the thought system of love, rather than fear. This will go, not without resistance, so that their may be a struggling within ourselves to constantly be choosing love over fear. The feeling may be that of "madness," an overwhelm of having gone crazy or may be going crazy. In this pull of light and dark, we may feel bad and guilty for having thoughts that are not in the thought system of love, but still of fear; however knowing that it is not fear we want, nor is it our desire to create in "others."

It is valuable to know that this struggle is a part of the evolutionary process and that we are in fact evolving. Not everyone will struggle, but many will. We need only to focus our attention on love's presence and not feed the thoughts of fear that lie beneath the surface. The more we direct our thoughts toward love, the less we feed fear. It is also something to note that "where thoughts go, energy flows." Meditation is important, as well as being surrounded by healthy, positive mirrors and spending time alone in contemplation, writing, reading, drawing...whatever creative means to release the fear and direct our thinking.

May we fill ourselves with love and direct our attention to the truth that we are all God's children, that we need not compare to know that we matter. May we move forward with in this knowing.

The illusion of Power

2011-09-25T00:46:00.001-07:00

The illusion of power was set up as a disguise to have us believe that we can possibly control anyone or anything outside of our own thinking, habits and concerns. It is not true that anyone can control us without us willing to do so. Perhaps, however, the illusion of power is so imbedded in our society and social conditioning that it would have us believe that the source of our strength is outside, rather than than inside of ourselves.

Can anyone really control me if I knew that the strength of God was actually inside of me? If I knew that God, who never lies and always leads me to love, was inside of me, would I need to look anywhere outside for this confirmation?

Perhaps this is where we are stooped into believing and therefore creating that we are victims without choice and that the oppressor can take our power without our willingness to do so. Perhaps, the true source of power is in our being, that when oppression happens, how I choose to think, act, and respond/react is what feeds the illusion of power and therefore creates more of it.

If my inner strength was so great, could I confront fear and oppression so that the spirit of who I am stays intact? When I think of this, I continuously think of Victor Frankl in his book, "Mans Search for Meaning," who stood witness to the oppression inflicted in the Jewish Concentration Camps and yet, observed within himself the light or the spirit, and contributes that to his being alive.

May we see the source of light and love within ourselves and trust it, so that we may ward off and dissolve any illusion of power that would have us believe that we are less than love.

A message: for both spiritual teachers and seekers

2011-09-20T12:22:00.000-07:00

The spiritual teacher.

Everyone is a spiritual teacher or can be. There will be many more spiritual teachers as we evolve. Some of them will be quite young and that will confuse our egos into defense. Spiritual teaching requires a great deal of trust and faith in the thought system of love, of God. A spiritual teacher in the new age of Aquarius, will want to teach through deliverance of experiences and share wisdom that help us to trust in our own capabilities and inner wisdom. The teacher will have a "beingness" about them that expounds love, rather than separation. They will see the potential of love in everyone.

With this said, it is important to acknowledge that a great deal of spiritual teachers are not completely healed, nor are on a path of healing. If a spiritual teacher is not on a path of healing her/his own separation wounds, then it is likely that the teacher will still have a strong ego-ic influence, based in fear and separation, and will either hinder or limit the growth of the spiritual seekers that he/she teaches. This is something to be aware of for both spiritual teachers and seekers. That if one is teaching, he/she will want to be on a path of healing and if not, will want to be honest and humble in sharing his/her limited capabilities as a teacher. We as seekers, on the other hand, will have to realize that it is also our demise to create a teacher as "perfect" or completely healed, when it is likely that the teacher will still carry with him/her life lessons and is also a student on the path as well.

We will know how healed a teacher is by the presence and integrity of the teacher. The unconditional love of the teacher will carry a being of acceptance, forgiveness, love and compassion. The amount of projection and defensiveness will also be helpful to discern how much the teacher has healed.

To acknowledge that spiritual teachers are learning, on the path WITH us, can bring a great deal of acceptance and healing to both the seeker and the teacher. While a teacher carries with them great gifts of healing and wholeness, we can acknowledge and accept that no human is perfect and be humble and loving in this knowing.

May we evolve into the oneness to see that we are all students and also teachers. May we be grateful for the teachings and life lessons. May we forgive the ego. May we heal ourselves from the wounds of separation.

Prayer of blessings bestowed.

2011-09-18T00:21:00.000-07:00

Inspired.
Powerful.
Blessed.
Grateful.
In love.
Ecstatic.
Righteous.
I love God.
Trusting.
Getting out of the way.
I trust my experience.
Wow!
Heaven and Earth.
Here and now.
Blessed.
Grateful.
Grateful.
Grateful.
Devoted.
In service to...
God.
Holier than holy.
Light within shadow.
Unconditional love.
Righteous.
Of service.
More and more blessings.
More and more healed people.
Healings and blessings bestowed.
Lighwork energy.
Inspiration.
Powerful.
Beyond imagined.
Astounded!
Faith and knowing.
Personal experience.
We trust
We are trusting.
We are trusting.
God. God. God.
Unconditional love
Evolving.
Evolving into oneness.
We merge.
Light and dark.
Light overcomes shadow.
Merging.
Oneness.
High vibration.
Grounded.
Feeling fears.
Expressed.
Letting go.
Cleaning and clearing.
We ARE!
I AM!
We are ONE.
Infinite abundance.
Joy.
Peace.
Vitality.
Prosperity.
Creating jobs.
Sustaining mother earth.
Sustaining mother earth.
Praising God.
Listening.
Trusting.
Trusting.
Knowing through personal experience.
Safe.
Protected.
Love.
Love.
Love..
Holding space.
Inspired.
SACRED.
Grateful.
Mother.
Father.
Grateful.

A perspective on thought

2011-09-12T18:13:00.000-07:00

"We are what we think. All that we are arises with our thought. With our thoughts, we make our world." ~The Buddha

I believe this quote by the Buddha reveals a 1/2 truth.

If everything that arose from thought were creating our world, perhaps this is why we have war. Most of us, if not all, struggle with our thoughts. On one end, our thinking is light; it is the thought system of love, of heaven or of nirvana. On the other end, our thinking is dark. We tend to hide our darkness, suppress and deny that it exists. We hide it through shame, blame, guilt and fear. What happens, however, is that the shame, guilt and fear gets stored in the body, in the unconscious and creates trouble. This manifests as projections that are seemingly outside, reflecting part(s) of us to be brought to light and healed.

It is not thinking that is bad, it is how we interpret our thoughts and try to suppress and deny them that wreaks havoc. While it is true that thinking shapes our perception, our view of life, it is not true that every thought that comes into mind is who we are.
To know this is true, because truth is love and love would not deny a thought simply for having it.

With that said, when darkness arises, ask yourself what light can we shed to learn about ourselves? What healing do I need to reveal about myself, through this thought? What can I learn about myself through shame, guilt and fear? Where did I learn this? How committed am I to this thought? What do I want to do about it?

Healing by Revealing 1/2 truths

2011-09-11T17:53:00.000-07:00

The truth is loving and will set me free.

Sometimes when we are told things about ourselves, we do not want to hear.
We do not want to hear because often times, what we hear are 1/2 truths.
On one hand, we have our stories and our experiences. On another hand, we have truth.
This truth is the way out of our stories. The truth sets us free of our past conditioning, our stories, lies and distortions.
When someone brings up our stories or things about ourselves that trigger a wound, it is brought up for us to heal so that we can see more truth than story.

So when a 1/2 truth is brought to the surface, will I choose to focus on the story or the truth?

The truth is love and because of that it lifts us from the fog, the stories, the lies, the energies that suppress our ability to see truth. The truth inspires and motivates us to goodness, to do and act in a good way, to move in a positive direction. The beholder of truth, the psychic, the therapist, the friend who reveals to us our 1/2 truth, that which has impeded our ability to see the whole truth, holds space and does not judge. He/she is loving and open; this catalyzes us to move in a positive direction, to access our deeper wisdom within ourselves and heal from the story/lie.

As is, the truth is who WE ARE. In kundalini yoga, we say, "Sat Nam," I am love. The truth is my identity.

*What makes a 1/2 truth are our stories that mask us from the full truth. 1/2 truths need to be revealed and then healed to see full truth.

*1/2 truths take us to truth but they are not themselves "true."

Sacred Medicine: Panther

2011-08-31T19:28:00.000-07:00

A poem written in dedication to the light bringers of the shadow...(not written by me)

Panther Speaks:

Shadows dripping in silver light cast from an illusive moon,
stir, then magically still,
leaving doubts adrift in the mind of the observer . . .
was there movement of shadow within shadow,
or only the illusion of such,
like breath caught on a summer breeze?

Sister of Artemis, and Guardian of the Gateway
between the Known and the Unknown,
you prowl the Night, bearing witness to the blackness
that exists before the dawning of morning Light.
Blazing eyes pierce the veil of darkness of Forgotten Realms,
to bring Consciousness to the Unconscious.

To follow your sleek and silent form as it glides
as a spectral mist through the night,
is to face the deepest fears that prowl the jungles of
the Human Mind.

When we learn to move as you move,
through those overgrown and tangled vines,
we come to understand that even in the darkest of journeys,
the Illuminating Rays of faith and acknowledgment
will provide us with the Light to guide us safely
to the Other Side.

Relationship: Evolving from negative thinking

2011-08-27T14:55:00.001-07:00

Does it seem that, generally, we tend to meet people where they are at by agreeing or conforming, at least for a short time, to the ways of partner/friend/comrade. Somewhere within our being there is a deep desire to connect and be met, acknowledged and loved by people around us and yet, not all the time, do we really agree or feel similarly to "other." Sometimes negativity, disagreement, and unsettled feelings seem to happen more often than good times. So we come at odds, struggling within ourselves and within our relationships.

Our ability to evolve is dependent on seeing healthy mirrors and spending time alone. When one is around negativity, then another may pick up that negatively and carry it with them until they actively clear it. For this reason , some relationships that were once close will want to be reevaluated. If there are relationships that drain our energy, we will want to consider how this investment costs us and how it benefits us.

For the evolutionary, on the path to higher consciousness, which I believe is toward conscious, unconditional love, there are good questions to consider when choosing to spend time with people.

What mirrors do I want to attract? What agreement/contract have I made to attract the relationships I am in?
Do I feel empowered in these relationships? How can I create an empowering relationship between us, so that we evolve each other, spiritually grow and develop?
How much time on earth am I willing to spend, living in a disempowered reality?
How often and how much can I presence love, without defense or need to be "right?"
How much can I love myself in the presence of this particular person/mirror?
Do I feel at one with myself in the presence of this perceived "other?"
Does our relationship feed separation or oneness?
Is there still learning and growing to do in this relationship?
What is working? What isn't working in this relationship?
What does this relationship have to teach me about myself?

There is great deal of us who fall into the category of negative thinking. It is not that we are negative, but there is a seed within us that we have been watering for lifetimes; that is, our ego. Without conscious awareness to perceive the ego's grip, to be right, special, superior, justified, we believe we are doing good by telling what is "wrong" in the world, ourselves, and each other. What often happens is that we tend to agree with negativity, through feeling sorry for the "other" and justifying their feelings as acceptable or through taking on their energy kinistetically. When we do this, what we actually do is create and attract more "wrong" in our life, perpetuating fear and emotional turmoils that strengthen the already existing separate mentality.

Because we are becoming more sensitive to subtler energies/realities, we want to make sure that we are feeding light and love and not negativity and fear. Therefore, it is important to learn to separate from negative energy. This can be done without blame, as everyone is a mirror and every moment can be an opportunity to practice, learn about ourselves, and heal.

One thing to consider is psychic regeneration and the subtle body. In kundalini yoga, we studied that there are actually 10 bodies, 6 bodies of which are subtle or etheric. These subtle bodies more greatly impact and effect our physical body, which is all that we see, our perception of reality. The view of reality, in which, we see, often masks our true identity; they are made up of visual imprints learned or conditioned throughout lifetimes. We can know our view of reality by looking at what is happening in present time, what we see projected outside of ourselves. With awareness, we can work to strengthen the subtle bodies and clear space within these realms, so that we can live from our true identity, as one.

The space that is required may be temporary but necessary for psychic regeneration to occur. Without this regeneration of the etheric or subtle realms, it becomes more difficult to love, like a fog has come over. Perhaps, all one needs to clear the air/space within relationship is time apart. While within established relationships, we want to continue growing and developing ourselves together and we care about the "other," we also need to listen to ourselves. If we don't take the space we need to regenerate, integrate what we are learning, and restore our life force energy, we become a breeding ground for negativity.

Therefore, as much as possible, spend time alone and in the accompaniment of clean, friendly, creative, loving mirrors- however that looks.

Journaling thoughts...

2011-08-24T01:10:00.000-07:00

I am grateful. As I write, I learn. I am on a spiritual path as anyone, whether we know it or not, everything is spiritual...

Today I got, what I was perceiving as the dirtiest look someone could give me. I noticed shame within myself as well as the defense of wanting to make her wrong for my shame and for her shaming me. Then, I remembered, "this is just my experience. I could choose a different experience. See love", I thought, "and turn the other cheek."

So I thought about how this woman was probably amazing to someone and that there were qualities within her that I would love as well. Also, perhaps it was only because she became a victim to life or because she was afraid of something I did that she had the moment to give me such a dirty look. Perhaps she wasn't even giving me a dirty look but I was perceiving it as such based on my past experiences.

WHO KNOWs!

We can never know what one is thinking unless we ask. Therefore, it is ridiculous to make up stories or become hyper-aroused for perceived losses at what is likely to be our ego.

Only the ego can be hurt and defended by what others say or do. God, who is unconditional love, would simply hold space for our perceived losses/negativities and not make it mean anything. This, I truly believe and because it empowers and feeds me to think, act, and live for higher good, there is no convincing me otherwise.

There are a great deal of people that want to talk "philosophy" and debate whether God exists or not. To me, these conversations teach me that there are a lot of people (me included sometimes) who feel alone and unsupported and are angry and blame God. To me, this is because we were taught that we are separate from God. The truth is that we are co-creators, we are part divine and part animal. There is nothing to be ashamed of, but perhaps one of our purposes in life is to extract the truth from this belief in separation so that we can create more beauty, love, joy and happiness in the world.

Amen!

Conscious love: "Turn the Other Cheek"

2011-08-22T22:28:00.000-07:00

Matthew 5:38-42

You have heard that it was said, ‘Eye for eye, and tooth for tooth.’ But I tell you, Do not resist an evil person. If someone strikes you on the right cheek, turn to him the other also. And if someone wants to sue you and take your tunic, let him have your cloak as well. If someone forces you to go one mile, go with him two miles. Give to the one who asks you, and do not turn away from the one who wants to borrow from you.

_________________________________________________________

What we give to another, we give to ourselves.
We hide our shame and fear in other people.
So when we "turn the other cheek", we replace negative reaction with positive, loving intent. Through positive, loving intent to see good and give love, we become mirrors for another and therefore ourselves, giving each other the opportunity to awaken to love and to healing.

Even if another is not loving or seemingly awakening, the love we give reverberates out to the universe so that what we give, we get in equal or greater return. This is what I perceive is meant by "eye for eye and tooth for tooth." If we give shame, fear, and guilt, we give the same to ourselves, through perceived losses and set-backs. If we give love, we awaken to it and become more aware of our potential/purpose. Through this, we become more evolved, conscious and aware.

When we give shame and fear, we perpetuate hidden, unconscious drives and tendencies that get mirrored from the outside for us to at some point, become aware and heal from. We need only to ask ourselves what we can learn that the positive, loving intent occurs. It is only a matter of time. Therefore, let's do our best!

May we awaken and evolve- each other!

The evolutionary process

2011-08-16T12:46:00.000-07:00

Through seeing and focusing on the commotion in our lives, we thereby create more of it. Through distraction, numbing ourselves, blame and shame, we give to "others" what we do not want to feel within ourselves. It is important to commit in advance therefore, that to see love is a choice and to be it is a practice.

Imagine that life is like a movie we go and pay for and watch on a screen. What we see in a movie, we expect to see because what we think we know about the movie, through the past actions of what it tells us, make it somehow predictable. So we pay and give in advance, oftentimes, what we learn from our past.

A wise teacher once said, "all growth starts with confusion." Perhaps then, it is the practice of not knowing, embracing fear and uncertainty, and trusting so that we can watch a different movie and create from it what we truly wish to see and experience in our lives. This is coming from a place of no evidence, but of faith, that what we create is what we choose to see, regardless of what is being presented.

This can be quite a challenge; however, always turn to love and focus on the good of any situation. 2 of the 5 sutras for the times in which we live is that "there is a way through every block" and "start and the pressure will be off." As we evolve into the Oneness of Love, the blocks will be our own self-loathing, emotional turmoils that we will need to heal from. If we focus on love, we will see that the impediments to our growth are in having been not seeing the love, as well as our confusion about what love is. Therefore, a significant stage in our growth and spiritual development is in relearning what love is.

Emotion

2011-08-15T21:42:00.000-07:00

As Yogi Bhajan said, emotion can be either a catalyst for devotion or it can create commotion.

It seems that the ego really likes to pull at us, creating a neurosis that may seem at times maddening. We go back and forth between light and dark, heaven and earth, love and fear. At times, we love ourselves and other times, we want to run away from ourselves. We love what we do and then we hate it. This is what happens when our emotions become commotion. It becomes a noise that gets us out of being present to heaven: beauty, joy, abundance, and peace, here on earth. Through the commotion, we distract ourselves...

Sometimes distractions are a great companion and other times, they simply create more commotion. I notice that when I impulsively act from emotion, it tends to feed guilt and shame. Perhaps this is because guilt and shame are at the root of our belief in separation from God and has been so ingrained in our culture and conditioning since at or before birth. The difference, I find, is when I pray; when I shift my awareness and focus my attention on my devotion to Love, to God, that which is greater and higher than my ego. With prayer, even before I do something to distract myself, everything becomes more sacred. I notice that this brings me the greatest peace.

I pray for this remembrance always.

Love and war

2011-08-11T08:10:00.000-07:00

We have to keep trusting.
No matter what!
No matter who says we are less than we are.
No matter tyranny and mayhem that happens.
If we fight we fight FOR love.
We fight for unity and oneness.
There are no separations-
between "us" and "them"
There is no tyranny, that we do not do to ourselves or are also a part of.
To know this is to see oneness and at the same time,
to fight on behalf of God or "truth" would always be and only if in the name of love.
God is ALL love, unconditional, unwavering, absolute LOVE.
God sees no difference between "us" and "them"
At the same time, if we truly work toward love, then it is dissolving the illusion of separateness.
Can war dissolve separation?
Or do we feed separation through war?
When is love present in an act of war, where fear is not?
Where fear exists, the presence of God, of love, can not be noticed,
until we change perspective.
So think differently.
See choices
"There is a way through every block."

A taste of my own medicine

2011-08-09T13:51:00.000-07:00

I can appreciate one who has given me a dose of my own medicine. The gifts that I bestow, bestow onto me to teach me what I do not yet completely realize within myself, the gifts that I am meant to develop. I gather that this is true for anyone who aligns with Creator and pays attention, believing in the possibility that the unique gifts of one will be seen in "others," in mirrors.

"Sit on my lap" he said. I was skeptical and curious at the same time. Is this man trying to manipulate me or is he really teaching me something? So I sat and felt his strength of his leg and I felt my fear of being led on. My mind going back and forth between safe and unsafe, coaching me to feel my fears and open my heart, as I flooded with judgement, fear and curiosity as to what I might learn. And then at one point, I got to be playful and I told him I just wanted to feel safe, so he encouraged it and I laughed. At the same time, still feeling the fear, the uncertainty.

Then I sat down, away from him, still unsure about whether I got anything out of the session. He told me because I am kinestetic, I would know more later and that the whole purpose of touch was for this. When I left, I felt still a sense of uncertainty and yet, also more free.

Upon awaking this morning, I realized that the experience I had last night was much to do with feeling my own fears, facing the unknown through the kinestitic experience of play, learning to feel my fears of being led on. I imagine this is the feeling of anyone who has been inappropriately touched or left feeling abandoned. The feeling and need for safety and security, at the cost of the aliveness of letting go and surrendering. The need and love of touch, while holding on to the false sense, the illusion of security. As I write, I can still feel the feelings, the fear, which tells me I still have feelings to process...

THis is a repost about spiritual emergency and possible symptoms for spiritual seekers

2011-08-05T18:48:00.000-07:00

This is a repost:

Spiritual Emergence leading to Crisis: Shakti Pad
Shakti Pad: The stage of the Practitioner

Along the path of wisdom, of spiritual development, we meet at Shakti Pad. This is the stage of the practitioner and is "the most crucial, transitional, and challenging of all the stages." This stage determines whether we progress toward mastery. In my textbook "The Aquarian Teacher" Level 1 manual, what is required at this stage is the "ability to choose a goal, fix on a motivation, and consciously commit to a set of values."

This stage of spiritual development is also "the test of power." Where decisions are done out of habit or unconscious patterning, doubt prevails, commitment is lost. The practitioner does not excel past this stage until he gives up what he thinks he knows is best, the desirable, and begins to embrace trusting what he doesn't know. This is why Yogi Bhajan describes this stage to the next as determined by a leap of faith rather than a rope which connects the practitioner directly to the master.

"The experience of this type of decision-making is often unpleasant and frightful. It is beset with uncertainty and often fills the practitioner with doubt. It is a perilous and existential moment. It is an agonizing decision- a question of identity and commitment. The decision is made through deliberate effort to reach the correct perspective of the whole, and to discern the true significance of the decision."

If the practitioner looks at the whole situation and consciously acts from the whole or part of the whole, this period in training will be won with trust, healing, and a greater connection to God or ONE Self. Thus, it is at this period where the test of one's belief in God is most challenged. It may be a dark period and for some cultures or religions, this stage of spiritual development is where we go through the "mystic death," the death of the "false" self or the ego. At this stage, the practitioner struggles with his belief in God and higher intelligence. He may resort to blaming God or other people for his problem and fall back on old ways of doing and being that do not serve him or his higher Self. Maybe he forgets what it is he truly wants and because he is fraught with so many difficulties within himself, he becomes depressed. The practitioner in crisis who finds himself aware of the alternate reality struggles with this reality because he is still afraid and his trust has not yet outgrown his fears. Thus, he clings to what he knows as much as he can. Possibly, the practitioner feels that he is losing his mind and indeed he may. However, the possibility of "no" mind could be a gift, as the practitioner becomes more aware of himself, he finds himself less reactionary and more in trust of the "unknown." His glass is empty and because of this, he can be a great teacher, guide, and lover to all. If he falls predator and prey to fear, however, he could suffer a great deal; his heart will not be interwoven with his decisions. If this is the case, he must always return to balance through actions having to do with heart, that is through self-love and service to others.

At this stage of development, we find that the ego wants to hang on while the ONE self desires to let go. This is perhaps what OSHO describes as schizophrenia. This stage in spiritual development is beset with uncertainty and perhaps can be described by some as "the dark night of the soul."

Some practitioners at this stage do not experience ego-death and may wonder why they should have to. Their ego gets stronger and they become more imbedded in the web of illusion, also known as maya, which is beset with karmic influences and universal laws. The practitioner may blame God or other people because his ego believes they are more deserving and they resent having to have to go through anything at all. They retreat back to old ways of being without seeing the hint of what there is to learn or heal from. The ego does not want to see oneness; however the practitioner in spiritual crisis is being jolted to practice what he himself resists and yet must see. The ego strives for control, certainty and specialness and becomes ignorant, depressed, isolated, and/or split thus leading to even more dissociative thoughts that make him seem crazy to "others," who are also unaware of the spiritual nature of the "problem." The practitioner succumbs to fear and and can not see light; however the light is always there.

I share this information because there doesn't seem to be a lot of talk of "Shakti Pad," or spiritual emergencies. I feel called to share this information, because I know that for some, a spiritual emergency can happen on a unconscious level, meaning without intent of a spiritual emergence or awakening. For those who are on a spiritual quest, perhaps this writing will be a sign to stay on track or an offering of some kind. It is my understanding that some spiritual emergencies are actually "kundalini awakenings" that can lead to greater connection to oneself and God. However, without the awareness or preparation, this experience can lead to crisis. This is why the path of healing is so important and especially at this time. If we aren't on a path of healing from the ego-ic mind, the separated self, we can be unaware of the true nature of dis-ease and dissociative disorders which lead to fatigue and more depression. We must all be on a path of healing to prepare ourselves for the spiritual emergence that is occurring at this time.

I gather this information partly from books as well as from intuition, personal experience and observation.

Of a philisophical nature: the separation from God

2011-08-02T01:10:00.000-07:00

God is unconditional love. Therefore, God would not have us believe that rape and torture are a creation of it. God would not have us believe that all that is done is because we deserve to be punished. God does not want us to suffer and although there are laws in place to which even God does not interfere, God only wants us to awaken to love.

God is all light and love. God would not make us wrong for living or playing in the shadow. God would not have us be punished or suffer. It is us that chooses. We create suffering. Without pain, however, we would not desire to be one with God. Therefore, through pain, we transcend to know God. God holds space. God does not judge what we do and loves us the whole way through.

We create. We create through who we are being- our thinking, aligns with our feelings, our actions, and attitudes. We create things we don't want and God aligns with us through our being. At the same time, God wants us to learn and to awaken to peace, joy, happiness and the truth of who we are- LOVE. Because of this, God evolves as we evolve. God meets us where we are at. If there is something to learn within suffering and pain, we can be clear that it is God, who has complete trust and faith in our awakening.

We are awakening to spirit, subtler realms. If we choose fear over love, hurting and causing pain, we will hurt ourselves. Our ability to stay grounded as we awaken to this experience is to know God as unconditional love, the source of which is within human BEINGNESS. We are to be love- share, forgive, accept, create beauty, inspire.

Tough Love

2011-07-27T22:28:00.000-07:00

How do we discern "tough love?"

Since many of us give it and unconsciously do so out of our own lack of trust, when is it appropriate?

Today, my good friend Maui called me wanting console. He was in the hospital, for his wisdom tooth pain/infection(?). He asked me for some wisdom, a good joke, or some light. I perceive that in the past, I would have fed him through his emotions by consoling him to feel better and telling him it will be o.k. Maybe I would have wanted to jump in and somehow take his pain away by feeling sorry for him...

I realize that whatever I would have said would of been loving, so perhaps "tough love" is appropriate when the intention of love is really present. When we are aware of attachment, and yet not afraid to say what might be of service to them or "we"/us. Tough love is without agenda, manipulation, or fear by the giver, that what will be said will be heard with implicit trust for the greater good and if not, will be considered later down the road, perhaps, or who knows. If we give tough love out of fear and manipulation, there is little doubt that it will come later in return, as something to teach "me" about myself...

Conscious that this was possible, reluctant and nervous by how words might land, I reminded my friend of the buddha who said, "pain is inevitable, but suffering is optional." To some ears, this would have been like saying, "suck it up," as so often words are misunderstood. What a relief it is to be met with gratitude and to know that words seemingly tough on the ego, can land as they were intended- as love from the heart. And so perhaps, it is also the request, the asking, by way of an open heart communicating, that makes us able to give and receive "tough" love.

To live a life of service...

2011-07-25T20:22:00.000-07:00

Surrender.
Lead.
Inspire.
Moving from self-to-service.

I imagine that nearly everyone has dreamt about living a life of service. We want to contribute our life to serve humanity, to serve something greater, for generations to come. Too often, we get bogged down by money and life circumstances to awaken, to know our dreams as possible and perhaps even, a part of our destiny to fulfill. At the root of our futile dreaming is a belief that we are separate from God and therefore, incapable of being greater than we are. We believe we can not contribute, we forget to trust in God's grace, the light that is always seen within even the darkest corners of our being.

In leadership training this weekend, Terces and Matthew Engelhart talked about surrendering to living a life of service. To living a life of "we" rather than "ego" (me, mine, I). They acknowledge that the key to doing this is to stay inspired, to do whatever it takes to generate inspiration from within our being and then to build community that creates and supports the vision, the dream.

"Live your life from the pure inspiration of service..."

What would it be like to completely be of service? What is it "I" would want to give my life to?

Ironically, Martin Luther King has been popping up in my mind lately and today, a turkey, the medicine of self-less service, stopped me while I was driving in Berkeley today! I imagine that spirit is calling me or us to ponder the question longer, to keep our eyes open for what it is that we would want to give our life to.

Quotes by Martin Luther King:

An individual has not started living until he can rise above the narrow confines of his individualistic concerns to the broader concerns of all humanity.
Martin Luther King, Jr.

At the center of non-violence stands the principle of love.
Martin Luther King, Jr.

Every man must decide whether he will walk in the light of creative altruism or in the darkness of destructive selfishness.
Martin Luther King, Jr.

BEING vulnerable

2011-07-18T22:26:00.000-07:00

I don't doubt that there are many people in the world, wishing to integrate their spiritual lives into their personal relationships. On one hand we have our desire to love without conditions and on the other hand we struggle with our ego, that feeds on our fear of being vulnerable. Being vulnerable to attack, to judgment, rejection, pain- we find it difficult to accept ourselves and then we forget for a time, perhaps a moment, that we are the source of the infinite, God, unconditional love already!

We are spiritual beings sharing an experience. God sends us gifts so we can learn and grow and practice BEing- communicating, expressing, sharing, thinking, seeing love. We all have a purpose that is creative and unique and in service to our divine nature. When we forget that, we get scared of losing.

The source of our being vulnerable is the gateway to our evolution. If we are not integrating our emotions and thoughts related to being vulnerable into our hearts, then we are more likely to act from our old wounds. While our desire to evolve into the unconditional love that we are takes practice, there will be moments that the ego will want to snap back and pretend to be indifferent or careless. This must be forgiven. Trust!

Practice:

Sit comfortably or lie down. Imagine yourself in a room, where you know no one, and yet you are completely naked. There are people passing you, gossiping, yelling, judging you, objectifying you. You have nothing to clothe you. All you have is trust, love and light protecting you. Breathe into your heart and breathe out love and forgiveness.

May we be reminded of the tools to love under all conditions.

Tears are our medicine

2011-07-15T09:36:00.001-07:00

Embrace ToTaL experience.

How much are we suppressing within ourselves and each other when we say, "don't" or "should?"
The other day, a son broke a glass and he wanted to cry. His mother said, "DON'T CRY!"
Perhaps the son cries over all his mistakes. Perhaps he has a crying "dis-order," nothing can stop him from crying. Although, I am in no place to judge, is it not our relationship to ourselves that are in conflict? When things happen, we create a story about ourselves that feed a belief that becomes our perpetual reality. Until that relationship is strong, until the love for self is known, perhaps crying is our souls greatest gift. Our job as "other" is to simply hold space and ask questions.

Tears cleanse the soul, especially when we cry with an intention to acknowledge our hurt and let go and release that hurt to God.
I truly believe this is "truth," tears are our medicine.

Reflections

2011-07-15T00:55:00.000-07:00

Can we look in the mirror and see our reflection?
What story are we telling, what view of reality are we accepting?
Do we see our beauty or focus on our worries?
Do we see scarcity? Do we see abundance?
Joy or suffering?

How much is it CHOOSING?

Do we listen to the inner knowing
Do we become afraid of the answer?

Do we fear aloneness, feed shame and the belief we don't matter?

Do we powerfully choose what life has to offer?

Choose. Choose. Choose.

Let us accept what life has to offer.
Let us forgive the ego for trying.
Let us forgive the past
Let go.
Embrace.

Let us embrace the beauty and laughter.
Let us embrace what life has to offer.

And cry and scream and yell in between!
To release.
Always- to ground.

We are grounded.
We are rooted in the earth.
We are all things-
Joy, pain, and sorrow.
We are loving mother earth.
We are accepting.
We are loving.
We are forgiving.

The Righteous Warrior.

2011-07-10T21:55:00.001-07:00

What beautiful gifts/mirrors the universe bestows onto us. Everyone of us is a mirror and can teach us some aspect of ourself, whether it is something we wish to change or cultivate within ourselves, mirrors are expressions of our divine nature expressing itself in myriad forms. Whether it is someone yelling at us, judging us, seemingly not liking us or another whom gifts us with presence, acceptance and forgiveness, they are all gifts not to be denied, but fully received. Perhaps they show us difficulty and challenge to see where we could use healing and perhaps they reflect our most divine nature, our destiny, where we are heading- in the light of God. If we did not have mirrors, we would not be able to see ourselves or learn or grow. Thank Creator! I thank God for it all!

To be righteous is neither right or wrong. To be righteous is to love God, to praise God for everything that can be learned and that we can grow from. To be righteous is not the same as self-righteous. It is nothing of this material plane, not of what we think we see, but of the essence it brings, the beloved, that can be reflected in it all. To see God is to know God.

May it be so always.

Amen.

Acknowledging an old memory

2011-07-05T18:15:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, I was suddenly reminded of the abuse I had done to animals. As I was petting this dog, all of a sudden the memory of how I was once so mean to my animals showed up...

Dear dog and cat.

I realize yesterday that there is an old contract that I must revisit. When I would get angry and frustrated, I would take my anger out on you. When I would get sad, I would want you near me. When I experienced you as being in my way, I would take my frustration out on you. I would yell at you and I was abusive sometimes. I imagine how confusing that would be and I remember how loyal you always were. I want to thank God for how you expressed your love always and despite, how mean I was, I want to thank God for teaching me that you too are a messenger of God. Thank you for loving me and forgiving me. While you were crying for my attention, when I would get mad, it was God, disguised as you, telling me to slow down and to love myself by loving you. Thank you.

I am seeing that this is what we often do when we are angry at ourselves or when we feel separate from God. Instead of receiving God, who is love, we act out aggressively and reject God. We act out toward the things that love us most.

I am relearning love and I know that love would not be abusive. If I feel aggressive, I need only to acknowledge my feelings and let go.

I thank God for revealing to me this memory to heal. While I let go of the shame, I acknowledge the hurt..

LOVE

The Integration of Light and Dark

2011-07-01T22:16:00.000-07:00

The integration of light and dark.

Shame and guilt and fear bind us to our suffering. What would life be like if it were a shameless one; if all of a sudden, we were teleported into another dimension where people didn't feel guilty.

Should the guilty feel guilty, through our own judgement that they are? It wouldn't surprise me, if many people were conflicted by this thought. Isn't it immoral, against God, to shame and make ourselves wrong. If God is unconditional love, wouldn't God forgive the "guilty," as Jesus did before he ascended into heaven.

"Forgive them father, for they no not what they do." ...

If God is unconditional love, perhaps then, it is not God who blames the "guilty" but the ego that makes everything wrong. The ego compares and contrasts. The ego judges to protect itself from FEELING hurt.

When we suffer, instead of feeling the pain of what happened, we blame and project our feelings onto other people. Oftentimes, we don't let go until we have to, only to find that the pain is still there, being reenacted by similar life situations. The body, a teacher told me, holds the subconscious. So perhaps the source of healing is in feeling our pain. Taking responsibility for what are seemingly external circumstances and letting ourselves feel in our body and acknowledge hurt.

I wonder how evolved we would get!

If we integrated the light with the dark through feeling and through conscious awareness without guilt, perhaps we would also be more understanding and compassionate that suffering is suffering, no matter what differences there are. While the cost of stuffing our feelings through guilt and shame serves us on one hand, it also prevents us from feeling joy and free on another.

Personally, I can see within myself, a great deal more love and less attachment, as I look within to forgive and see love, while feeling judgments. At the same time, I still have attachments and life lessons and I still could use coaching from the people around me, thankfully!!! Perhaps, I am writing because I notice the part of me that does not want to feel, or is just not ready to be completely available. The part of me that feels guilty for not listening to myself and makes choices that are still not good for me... While I can say, I feel more, I would still say I'm learning.

I'm grateful to all my teachers- friends, family, mentors, teachers- for helping me to integrate the light.

XOXO!

We evolve each other.

2011-06-28T12:54:00.000-07:00

How do we evolve each other?

We evolve each other by taking responsibility for our feelings.
We evolve each other by relearning trust.
We evolve each other by coming from a place of possibility.
We evolve each other by creating without evidence or proof.
We evolve each other by letting others make mistakes.
We evolve each other by withholding judgment and not making them real.
We evolve each other by sitting in the uncomfortable and being vulnerable so that others can see themselves.
We evolve each other by responding rather than reacting.
We evolve each other by seeing God within Self.
We evolve each other by choosing to see love.
We evolve each other through partnership and collaboration.
We evolve each other through bringing out our gifts.
We evolve each other by forgiving the ego.
We evolve each other....

I pray.

2011-06-25T19:39:00.001-07:00

Prayer.

I pray that my family, friends, myself and all the world, will be free of suffering.
I pray that we all will overcome our difficulties.
That we will merge into oneness.
That we will love on the highest vibration.
I pray that we find the love within ourselves.
I pray that we heal in this life.
I pray that everyone know that they matter.
I pray to be a living example.
I pray. I pray.
I thank God and Love for saving me.
I thank the mirrors that surround me.
I thank the living lessons that I learn from.
I thank the tears that cleanse my soul.
I thank the signs and wisdom from above.
I thank beauty and happiness and joy.
I thank teachers
I thank people willing to listen.
I thank song music and laughter
I thank my blessed life
I thank courage patience and trust
I thank.
I pray.
I pray.

Perception and distortion.

2011-06-25T12:06:00.000-07:00

There will be people, who feel a sting of anger, resentment,or sadness toward you. They may blame you, project negative emotions at you and create that you are less than you are.

If we listened to everyone's perception of who they think we are however, where would we be? Who would we be without their distorted perceptions of us? Who would we be without our own distorted perceptions and beliefs about us?

A wise teacher said, "No one will ever know you. They will only have their perception of you." Considering that no one has ever walked the same exact path, who can know you better than you know yourself?

In order to live our most authentic self, one thing we have to do is let go of other people's judgment of who they perceive us to be. We have to let go of their judgments, take responsibility for how being judged makes us feel. We have to continue loving and accepting ourselves, the way we are, even when others judge us and create us as less than we are. Consider it a lesson, that perhaps the person who judges is really a mirror of us judging ourself. Therefore, all judgement is an opportunity for us to learn to accept and love ourselves and whoever we are being, however we are showing up in that moment.

"Even though, people may judge me and not like me, I love and accept myself and I will continue to see them as love, dissolving this illusion that I am separate from them."

"The Guest House" Poem by Rumi

2011-06-23T15:46:00.001-07:00

This being human is a guest house
Every morning a new arrival

A joy, a depression, a meanness
some momentary awareness comes
as an unexpected visitor

Welcome and entertain them all
Even if they're a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still, treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out for some new delight.

The dark thought, the shame, the malice,
meet them at the door laughing,
and invite them in.

Be grateful for whoever comes,
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.

Heaven and Earth meet at the heart.

2011-06-21T17:10:00.000-07:00

Heaven and Earth meet at the heart.

My heart is open or at least I think. However, my body is simply a vessel, for which I must feed it good thoughts, food and water. Listen to how "I" feel. To share "my" body with a man in nothing without an open heart and yet, while it is open, the "I" discerns, waiting for a true merging, a merging with the divine, with a man who is full of grace, a man who shares a similar purpose.

I do not know yet what that purpose is but when he visits, it will become clearer. The self will look upon its Self, as a mirror with a purpose to serve, a balance with reason, focus, and clarity and a great love for Self. The merging may take time, but move and act without fear and with intuition...If you are not available, it is for good reason. Trust it.

Until then, work on Self, meaning focus on your own divine nature, your own intuitive knowing. Trust. Trust. Trust. Nothing is without reason.

Work on self is loving self, that is DIVINE. Love yourself. Worship your divine self. Worship your body. And continue following your intuition. Accept. Accept. Accept- yourself!

Where there are set backs, find purpose.
Where there seems to be a block, continue trusting and releasing.

When heaven and earth meet.

2011-06-09T09:14:00.000-07:00

"When you believe that your abundance and safety originate in the external world- people, things, jobs, money- then you will not only become a "getter," but also a fearful getter, since everything in the outer world of effects is limited and constantly changing." Roger Teel.

As things "I" thought I owned get stolen, I can feel the remnant, fear- a thought- of a "worse" case scenario, a fear of losing more things which I "think" I will need to get. I am letting go, however it is a process and patience and trust is warranted.

Who would do such things as "steal", but the ego, who created the belief that God is separate. It is the ego-ic machine that fears a lack of or doesn't trust that would "steal." At the same time, it is "my" ego that would have me believe that, in the first place, the bike was "mine". Who would have me believe that I own anything but the ego?

This is not to justify theft or make it mean as if it does not matter. Perhaps, I created "my bike" to get stolen, as some would say; yet, this belief summons guilt that I am trying to free myself of. And to think of the person who stole from "me," is not my business either. I ask, "free me from the conditions that would have me believe I know better than they."

Ultimately, we choose constantly and there are always opportunities to forgive, to let go, and to see ONEness. When I was around 10, I was a kleptomaniac! Also, when it comes to my ego, it is a daily practice to be with it, nurture it and love it as a part of me, and without making it real! Still, there are times when I act from fear and I take the easy route, only to realize that it poisoned me with guilt and prevented me from loving myself.

As I opened the Course in Miracles before Sadhana, it reads:

Who can be born again in Christ but him who has forgiven everyone he sees or thinks of or imagines? Who could be set free while he imprisons anyone? A jailer is not free, for he is is bound together with his prisoner. He must be sure that he does not escape, and so he spends his time in keeping watch on him. The bars that limit him becomes the world in which his jailer lives, along with him. And it is on his freedom that the way to liberty depends for both of them.

Therefore, hold no one prisoner. Release instead of bind, for thus are you made free. The way is simple. Every time you feel a stab of anger, realize you hold a sword above your head. And it will fall or be averted as you choose to be condemned or free. Thus does each one who seems to tempt you to be angry represent your savior from the prison house of death. And so you owe him thanks instead of pain." (Course in Miracles, 366)

Could this sword above our head, live the content of guilt and shame that we place upon ourselves and each other, that is the universal law of attraction. If I make "you" guilty, then I in turn am increasing my own guilt by making you or anything wrong. When we cling to and make wrong, we hurt ourselves and punish ourselves with the guilt, shame and fear- that the ego would have us feed upon, increasing the illusion that we are separate from each other, from God and our higher selves.

May true security be found through the realization that in every moment, God is ever-present, as a guide of the unconditional love that is our teacher.

Demystifying Kundalini

2011-05-30T08:25:00.001-07:00

Kundalini Energy is the energy of consciousness. It is much clearer to me that awakening kundalini energy is actually the path of healing and wholeness. It is when the eliminating energy, apana, and the life force energy, prana, meet. Of course, the path of wholeness and healing is not easy or pure bliss. It is sometimes a very difficult journey and many of us get stuck at Shakti Pad, forgetting to trust. Thus, the kundalini energy is both a mixture of prana and apana energies, death, dying, destructive forces, combined with living, learning, and growth: pranic energy. These energies combine and create friction, connecting oneself to greater spiritual experiences.

People talk about kundalini awakenings, which are sudden emergences of a spiritual nature that awaken from within and direct us to wholeness. All yoga is about awakening the kundalini energy. In fact, yoga really means connection to oneself or to God.
Kundalini yoga is a potent practice to awaken the kundalini energy from within, however, the awakening, can occur at any time. With this said, kundalini yoga, as nearly all chi-cultivation or yogic practices, are helpful to prepare oneself for a spiritual awakening. If unprepared, a kundalini awakening can lead to crisis. This really depends on karmic influences and how much a person has addressed or healed from their past.

Some people are weary of kundalini yoga and believe that it is "dangerous." This belief, at least to some degree, is rooted in shame and guilt; that one is to wander into esoteric or hidden realms, is considered by many forbidden or "evil," as if playing with God. Also, some people believe that kundalini yoga is simply very high energy and one must have a strong nervous system to contain all the energy. Although, many great kundalini yoga teachers strive to push their students to the edge of their experience/ego, as all spiritual and non-spiritual practices, one must discern for themselves what their limit is.

One insight is that kundalini yoga, as all spiritual disciplines, if practiced regularly, brings with it levels of awareness, more depth to spiritual realms, including subtle energies that are both "base"/negative and healthy. This awareness of negative, unseen energies does not attract the practitioner or student; rather, the awareness brings new levels and dimensions of healing that would not have otherwise been addressed. This awareness or understanding may be essential for one's healing journey and is a part of the spiritual emergence that is occurring at this time. Therefore, take this as a sign that if one encounters new dimensions of awareness of subtle realms, there is no need to be afraid. Rather than fear the subtle energies or blame anyone or anything for being the source of them, be grateful- for it is perhaps true that many people are unaware of the subtle energies that lie within their electro-magnetic field, the aura. This, at least in part, can broaden the depth, the understanding, and the awareness of what it really takes to heal in this life, discovering more deeply rooted sources of illness that manifests in the body.

Raising the standards in energy cleansing/boundaries

2011-05-17T06:23:00.000-07:00

Apparently, I need to raise my standards in creating energy boundaries and releasing other energies from my space, says Clairvoyant Reader, Adrienne Fodor. They have been affecting my health.

I am grateful. At first, I was concerned because I haven't been practicing healing "others" on an emotional level very much and it had been partly due to feeling fatigue. I wondered what was "wrong" with me and why I didn't have energy and suspected it was due to a kidney deficiency. Now I realize I need to do more work on myself before I enter this field, becoming more keen in the LISTENING and RELEASING energies from my space. For example, if I am thinking about someone a lot, who is not even in my life, perhaps they are in my physic field. Not them so much as their energy. Also, if some experience is triggering an old story or belief that is not serving me, then I need to go back and release that energy as well.

It is possible for energies to be with us, even without their bodies and probably without their awareness as well. If someone is being negative- in my perception, which is pretty much always based on the filters of my past experiences and beliefs, then it is possible for that energy to affect me. Therefore, I need to create an energy boundary between me and that energy. Already I was doing this and noticing an effect, however not regularly. Ironically, when my friend said that I need to protect my back, I was reminded of how effective it has been to imagine a white light between my kidneys and my "ancestors." I had been suspecting these "ancestors" were messing with my kidneys, as I could intuit or "see" them in my space as doing so. Even still, I have had a difficult time being aggressive and I am still learning that although I have compassion for them and know they want or need healing/love, it is not my job, especially when they themselves do not seek it.

Raising standards for my health is always a good idea. While I would consider myself a pretty health conscious person, there have been some things, I would just let slip and not create time for. I believe spirit is guiding me to more optimal health and giving me a sign to be in more rhythm with nature and learn more about my body.

so yesterday, after my reading, I took a bath in aromatic salts and I took time to release energies, including deep breathing for 15 minutes. I did this partly by naming the energies that were affecting me and simply saying, I release your energy. I also realized that even though, I have done releasing before on particular energies, it may take time and that perhaps, there is still somewhere in my past, a memory that has not been cleared that I need to address, So, it was helpful to remember that a particular energy that sticks around me was also an energy from my childhood. As I released that as well, I got to see my inner child once again and I just held her. How beautiful and precious she is! Toward the end of deep breathing, I started hitting my chest and using sound to release the energy. It's amazing how much anger came into my memory and then suddenly, a burst of tears released, for which I did not expect.

I am divinely protected by angels who bless me with guidance and fill me with love and light.

about spiritual emergence-y

2011-05-15T20:52:00.000-07:00

I asked God, "What is your message?"

So here it is:

A great spiritual emergence is happening, for which we must be aware. On the physical level, we see chaos, destruction, as well as grass roots, back to the land movements. On the psychological level, there may be more fatigue related dis-eases, stress and depression. The coming age will for some bring great spiritual heights and for others great spiritual lows. The difference is in one’s attitude, that they may find the light of the situation at hand to which it will save them. The light which is God is made up of love. The more you bathe in the light of love, the less your fears will become you.

The spiritual emergence that we see now is happening as has been happening for a great period of time. However, because it is happening at a more rapid rate and because we have been destroying each other and the planet, the awakening is meant to bring us closer to what is important. We need to learn to integrate our ideas. We can not live as separate beings as we do. We must find peace within ourselves and we must commit to peace in the world.

The crisis that is happening is a tale of the good and evil that we read about in religious texts; however, often misguided. However, choose the light and you will be a light for others. for humanity and for the earth. It is as simple as that.

“Spiritual emergency” is a great word and we will need to help these people. The light is all loving and we must shine light on those in crisis without believing there is fear upon you. learn to love yourselves so that we may love each “other”. There really are no others.

The madness that you see is also a reflection of this. Do not judge for they are you, or some part of you.

You, yourself, may experience physic openings: channeling, telepathy, clairvoyance, dreams of distant lands and nightmares of your greatest fears. Do not take these things as truth. Truth is all love. If it helps you, it will strengthen you. If it does not help you, learn the light of God is in you and accept the same for all beings, even those in crisis.

For those who do not know what is happening, may they take it with a grain of salt, as they will be greatly confused. It is only meant to guide them to light. They may not be ready for it and it may come at such an inappropriate time. Be prepared and bless them with your love and compassion.

...........

There is nothing to fear in God

2011-04-25T23:07:00.000-07:00

What have I been learning?

Lately, I have been learning trust. Trust in God.

My experience, for a time, had been working to process certain fears. I was afraid because often, I felt blank, "boring", without words. I was aware of changes happening within me, a certain embracing of uncertainty, non-reactivity, an acceptance of not knowing anything. At the same time, I was kindof scared of this experience. As if the uncertainty and the not knowing was becoming me. As if I was losing my mind, without an opinion or answer to anything. It was an experience that got me to question my faith. I got present to the process of healing; the stage of bargaining. This is what we do when we feel helpless. When we feel things are going "wrong," we bargain with God; however, fearing God at the same time.

God is nothing to fear. We were taught to believe that we are born of sin. The belief that we are sinners of this world creates guilt and we feel ashamed of the things we do because oftentimes, we do them out of habit and fear. However, I am learning and trusting that God does not know fear. To God, all that we ask in suffering in an illusion and therefore, it does not respond. Why would God respond to the illusionary world that we make up? If we can not see heaven, which is also here on earth, then we are still dreaming in what the Course in Miracles would call, "the tiny mad idea," this idea that we are separate from God and from ourselves as creators. According to Gary Renard's channeling of Arten in his book the Disappearance of the Universe:

"The awesome magnitude of the painful shame and acute guilt in your mind, resulting from what you believe you've done, appear to require an immediate and complete escape. So you join with the ego, and then the incomprehensible power of your mind to make illusions as a perceiver- rather than make spirit as a creator- causes the method of your escape to become manifest. At the point the ego, which you are not totally identified with, uses ingenious but illusory method of projection to hurl the thought of separation out of your mind, and you-or at least the part of you that seems to have a consciousness- appears to be projected right along with it." pg 142

True awareness is seeing Self within creation. Rather than believe God and me are separate, the truth is God and I are ONE. The ego perceives while God creates. The ego fears, while God loves. When I start believing that I am separate from God, I build on this illusion of separation and fear.

Then I think of death and the importance of the body. I have been concerned about my kidneys and have been working to strengthen them. I wonder if I am doing enough and although I trust, there is that voice that says, I need to do more. There is that guilt that I am not doing enough. I am learning and believing God does not know this: "not enough." It is my ego that thinks that I am not enough; however, in perfect timing, God acts. God speaks through me and guides me to what I need in the moment. Answers, signs, and help comes in many forms and its all God speaking to me. God is not the cause of my kidney deficiency, however, he is my intuition, the voice that signals for me to act accordingly.

God is all light.

Spiritual Emergence leading to Crisis: Shakti Pad

2011-04-15T17:25:00.000-07:00

Shakti Pad: The stage of the Practitioner

Along the path of wisdom, of spiritual development, we meet at Shakti Pad. This is the stage of the practitioner and is "the most crucial, transitional, and challenging of all the stages." This stage determines whether we progress toward mastery. In my textbook "The Aquarian Teacher" Level 1 manual, what is required at this stage is the "ability to choose a goal, fix on a motivation, and consciously commit to a set of values."

This stage of spiritual development is also "the test of power." Where decisions are done out of habit or unconscious patterning, doubt prevails, commitment is lost. The practitioner does not excel past this stage until he gives up what he thinks he knows is best, the desirable, and begins to embrace trusting what he doesn't know. This is why Yogi Bhajan describes this stage to the next as determined by a leap of faith rather than a rope which connects the practitioner directly to the master.

"The experience of this type of decision-making is often unpleasant and frightful. It is beset with uncertainty and often fills the practitioner with doubt. It is a perilous and existential moment. It is an agonizing decision- a question of identity and commitment. The decision is made through deliberate effort to reach the correct perspective of the whole, and to discern the true significance of the decision."

If the practitioner looks at the whole situation and consciously acts from the whole or part of the whole, this period in training will be won with trust, healing, and a greater connection to God or ONE Self. Thus, it is at this period where the test of one's belief in God is most challenged. It may be a dark period and for some cultures or religions, this stage of spiritual development is where we go through the "mystic death," the death of the "false" self or the ego. At this stage, the practitioner struggles with his belief in God and higher intelligence. He may resort to blaming God or other people for his problem and fall back on old ways of doing and being that do not serve him or his higher Self. Maybe he forgets what it is he truly wants and because he is fraught with so many difficulties within himself, he becomes depressed. The practitioner in crisis who finds himself aware of the alternate reality struggles with this reality because he is still afraid and his trust has not yet outgrown his fears. Thus, he clings to what he knows as much as he can. Possibly, the practitioner feels that he is losing his mind and indeed he may. However, the possibility of "no" mind could be a gift, as the practitioner becomes more aware of himself, he finds himself less reactionary and more in trust of the "unknown." His glass is empty and because of this, he can be a great teacher, guide, and lover to all. If he falls predator and prey to fear, however, he could suffer a great deal; his heart will not be interwoven with his decisions. If this is the case, he must always return to balance through actions having to do with heart, that is through self-love and service to others.

At this stage of development, we find that the ego wants to hang on while the ONE self desires to let go. This is perhaps what OSHO describes as schizophrenia. This stage in spiritual development is beset with uncertainty and perhaps can be described by some as "the dark night of the soul."

Some practitioners at this stage do not experience ego-death and may wonder why they should have to. Their ego gets stronger and they become more imbedded in the web of illusion, also known as maya, which is beset with karmic influences and universal laws. The practitioner may blame God or other people because his ego believes they are more deserving and they resent having to have to go through anything at all. They retreat back to old ways of being without seeing the hint of what there is to learn or heal from. The ego does not want to see oneness; however the practitioner in spiritual crisis is being jolted to practice what he himself resists and yet must see. The ego strives for control, certainty and specialness and becomes ignorant, depressed, isolated, and/or split thus leading to even more dissociative thoughts that make him seem crazy to "others," who are also unaware of the spiritual nature of the "problem." The practitioner succumbs to fear and and can not see light; however the light is always there.

I share this information because there doesn't seem to be a lot of talk of "Shakti Pad," or spiritual emergencies. I feel called to share this information, because I know that for some, a spiritual emergency can happen on a unconscious level, meaning without intent of a spiritual emergence or awakening. For those who are on a spiritual quest, perhaps this writing will be a sign to stay on track or an offering of some kind. It is my understanding that some spiritual emergencies are actually "kundalini awakenings" that can lead to greater connection to oneself and God. However, without the awareness or preparation, this experience can lead to crisis. This is why the path of healing is so important and especially at this time. If we aren't on a path of healing from the ego-ic mind, the separated self, we can be unaware of the true nature of dis-ease and dissociative disorders which lead to fatigue and more depression. We must all be on a path of healing to prepare ourselves for the spiritual emergence that is occurring at this time.

I gather this information partly from books as well as from intuition, personal experience and observation.

Idealizing the spiritual warrior within

2011-04-06T12:19:00.000-07:00

A spiritual warrior knows that around the corner he may face death.
But despite knowing, he walks without armor, without fear of this impending death.
Instead, he embraces life as if there is no such thing as death.
for to him, he will not have lost anything, but have been grateful for all that he has lived.
Despite knowing, he walks without armor, without fear,
for he trusts that when it is time, his life will have been in the name of God.
And death will have meant that he has offered all he could in that life.
Until then, however, he continues to serve and to learn.
He is grateful to be alive.
Everyday he blesses the earth and the sky. Mother and father.
He is grateful for his body and his time on earth.
Despite fear of impending death. he stands with courage and gratitude.
He stands as a teacher and as an example
for to see him, to know him
He carries not the world's worries.
He trusts and that makes him free.

Some people may think he is foolish. They may call him harsh words
for his heart is open even to the ugly, the profane, the criminal.
He may feel fear but he does not let it dictate his decisions and so he seems callous.
He discerns and walks with awareness. He knows when it is necessary to retreat
However despite his judgment he always chooses to see love.
He who sits in front of him is love.
Misunderstood as indifferent to some
He is not.
He trusts.
He is free.

Extend love through inspiration rather than intellect.

2011-04-03T11:18:00.001-07:00

"Mulla Nasruddin was a school teacher. Every day for many years he rode his donkey to school. At last the attitude of learning caught hold of the ass too and one day he turned to the rider on his back and asked, "Mulla, why do you go to school every day?"

The Mulla was quite taken aback. Was he hearing right? Did the donkey really speak? He had heard many donkeys speak, but never a four legged one! However, if those others can talk why not this one? The Mulla thought, "It must be that all this going to school has had an effect on him and he has just begun to speak. It was my own fault bringing him to school everyday."

"Why do you want to know?" asked the Mulla

"I am curious, thats all. Why do you come to school every day?" Said the donkey.

"I come to teach the children."

"Why?"

"So the children can learn."

"What happens by learning?"

"A person gains intelligence and wisdom."

"What use is intelligence?" persised the ass

"What us you say? It is because of my intelligence that I am riding you!" said the Mulla

"Teach me also, Mulla. Give me intelligence!" Said the donkey

"Oh, no." said the Mulla, "I am not foolish. Then you will be riding me!" "

OSHO, "The True Name"

_________________________________________________________________________________________________

What is the use of intelligence or knowledge if it is not inspiring to one another. If we are extending love, we inspiring each other to be love. If we are extending intellect, however, we are merely teaching what the ego desires for itself. Through our intellect, the ego-ic mind limits its words to its own benefit and keeps for itself what it fears it would lose. What would it lose? It would lose itself for the ego thrives on being right, good and "best." There is no such thing, however. If we have more "knowledge" than another, it does not mean we are better or more right or good. If we have more "knowledge" then that knowledge or wisdom can be used to share and inspire. It is does not, then it is not useful to that person. If it is not useful to the person, we may find 2 people competing to be right, better, or good. If this happens, we have two intellects competing through their knowledge of what they "know". Perhaps they are saying the same things but their ego do not want to be "one" and so it looks to be "devil's advocate" and share what it does not even believe itself.

What is the use in sharing knowledge, when it is not inspiring. While we have the presence to share in the silent moments of simply being ONE with each other, the ego-ic mind thrives on intellect and "knowledge" so that it can feel more special.

Why do we do this?

Is it because we are afraid?

Let us practice sharing and extending love. Being wise and having knowledge is not a thought but comes only in the moments when it is useful/helpful, to inspire someone or oneself. Let us practice silence, sitting in the comfort or the discomfort of simply being with another person or oneself without having to say a word.

Manifesting

2011-04-02T09:55:00.000-07:00

If we want to create and manifest an idea, a project, a way of being in our lives, it is helpful to imprint in the mind what it is we are creating. This way we are present to the opportunities that come our way. This is the nature of divine order. We create in our minds, through our thinking and feeling. Once our thoughts and feelings become in line with our doing, then creation steps in and we manifest.

Often times we are manifesting things we don't want. This is because our thinking, believing (feeling) and doing is not in alignment. At the root of this may be because we are afraid and indecisive. We go back and forth between what we think we want and not believing or feeling that we can create it or that we are worthy and/or deserving of what we want. This prevents us from taking the action in creating what we think we want.

We weren't taught that we are constantly co-creating with the universe. Our view of "reality" has been filtered through our fears of past conditioned beliefs that originated before our time. We can recreate a new view of "reality," manifesting what it is we think we want, through gratitude, forgiveness, visualization, through feeling our fears...

Healing is essential to manifesting. Admittedly, I am still healing and what am I healing from? I am still healing from our belief in separation. The belief that we are separate from God, from ourselves as co-creators and creations of God, and our fears of a judgmental and punitive God. "I" believe that this is at the root of what gets in the way of our thinking, believing and doing and this is why healing is so important...

We often don't trust who we are!

Trust is another ingredient to manifesting. In a sense, to trust is to do. It is a way of being. We train our minds to think what we are creating and we begin to resonate with the thought through feeling. Then we have to trust. We may think that we have to "get" what we want, but the law of gender teaches us that with everything, there is both a gestation period and an incubation period. The gestation period is represented by the divine feminine. She is the shadow, the place where we create through our mental imprinting and prayer. Through our devotion and through our healing, we prepare ourselves for the incubation process to become that which we are creating.

Example: What I am creating through gratitude:

I am full of gratitude for a community that inspires. I am very present to all the people in my life who are committed to love, evolution and consciousness. This community is building. I am surrounded by people who inspire. Together, we are creating. We are inspiring. We are evolving. We are healing. We are growing. Together, we expand!

I am present to all the abundance. Life is such a blessing. I get to be here on earth another day and I am grateful. I am blessed to see that there is so much beauty. The flower that sits on my alter. The food. Thank you Heaven. Thank you Earth. Thank you for the experience of life and living, the joy, the pain. Thank you for the lessons at love.

Amen.

Anger in the body

2011-03-29T20:32:00.000-07:00

Anger is a necessary stage in healing. Everyone experiences some form of anger, whether it is a fiery anger that is explosive or a watery anger that comes and goes. Either way, anger is a necessary process that we often suppress and deny out of shame, guilt, and fear of judgment. When we suppress and deny anger, we deny a part of our authenticity that could be useful in creating positive change in our lives. Instead, anger often festers in the body.

Emotion is really just a feeling that we put a word to. However, we attach ourselves to emotions and the feeling gets stuck in our bodies, somewhere- sitting, waiting to resurface so that it can release. The more we suppress our emotions, the more it builds up in our bodies. Eventually, this can create physical and mental dis-ease and stress.

It is not necessary to blame and project feeling angry onto other people when all the body wants to do is have it be acknowledged and released. Of course, there could always be someone to blame and through this blaming, we get more and more angry. When we hold on to blaming however, we poison ourselves with the anger that wants to release. There is really nothing to be ashamed of, no one to be scared of, nothing to feel guilty about when we release anger. Things happen to us and it sucks sometimes but it is us that chooses who we get to be about our life circumstances.

Dr. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross describes in her book "On Death and Dying," 7 stages of Healing.
1st stage: denial
2nd stage: anger
3rd stage: Bargaining
4th stage: Depression
5th stage: Acceptance
6th stage: Rebirth

I don't doubt that the root of our physical and mental dis-ease lies within it a good deal of built up anger. Many people never move on from this stage of healing and are not even aware that there emotions create disharmony in the body.

How do we release anger without suppressing it?

After becoming aware that I have been suppressing my anger toward my current circumstance with past dental "care," I am much more active about releasing this anger. i sit and feel the anger, I feel the negative thoughts. I notice myself blaming the conditions which created it. i sit and notice this anger and I let the anger build us inside of me until I can't hold it in anymore. Then I let go and do whatever I need to do to further this release.

It is helpful to be in a quiet space where you know you are safe. To ensure your safety, you can lock the doors and set an intention to release your anger. You can make it a sacred and intimate connection to be with yourself. If you can't find solitude, you can warn the people around you that you need to release anger. You can ask for their suggestions or guidance. You can ask them to join you even! You could also scream in a pillow or sing and hum out your anger. I recommend doing whatever you can. Notice in your body where you feel your anger resides. Build resistance and then release, kick, scream, yell, shake...whatever you know you need to do to release the anger from your body.

If you know you have anger that has been in your body for a long time, I also recommend massage/energy therapy, loving touch. When we suppress anger, as well as other emotions, we can lose touch with our feelings. We might feel numb, as if we don't have feelings. If this is the case, it is very important to let yourself be touched by someone you can trust.

Signs. Resonate with Anger.

2011-03-25T00:03:00.000-07:00

Resonating with Anger

I didn't think I could get angry. Or that it was very healthy.
But I have signs that it is time to be angry!
Life is so interesting.
The other day in the middle of Chi Gung class, the teacher, who I don't know, suddenly approaches and instructs me to bring my head to the floor and breath with my mouth open. She says she sees my ancestors.
My parents come in town and I really notice how much fear they carry within them. I see it in my mom especially. I wonder whose energy she is carrying.
I spend time alone and a vision appears of an "ancestor." His eyes are dark. I am not afraid of him but he is angry. He wants to play. He is bored. I think he is a healer.
I had been pulling the "death" card in tarot.
My neighbor is murdered.
I've been thinking about my own death and letting go of the ideas that have been serving my ego.
I see light but I am in the dark.
I get a reading from an Intuitive Guide/Clairvoyant, Adrienne Foder, and she sees a heavy energy around my mouth. She asks if I am holding on to anger and to be with my anger longer when it comes up. It's not getting through...

I have been angry at dentists and health care. I avoid going to the dentist because I think the work they do is often unnecessary and I think the work that they've done to me is "oppressive." I get angry at myself and I feel ashamed! I have been avoiding anger because it scares me but now I see that I have been suppressing anger!

I am resonating with all those people who feel like victims because the shit that happens to them that wounded them. I realize I am still healing and I believe God is presenting me with this problem because I must be "ready." The emotion, Anger, is a valid emotion that I have to acknowledge, release, purge. I seek alternative solutions to empower myself. I seek holistic, more aggressive action and care. Already, it is helping but I need a good dentist who actually thinks outside the box!

Thank God I live alone for me to process these emotions. Thank God for intuition and guidance. Thank God for signs! Thank God for light. Thank God for the darkness, for if there were no shadow to confront, I would be all light and I wouldn't be grounded. Thank you God for this experience, as I process anger, I will let it arise and I will listen to what I need to do, say, be in the moment when it occurs. I will make noise. I will shake. I will embrace humility. I truly believe that what lies beneath the physical is something hidden- mental, emotional, spiritual. Thank you God for bringing to light that which needs to be healed. Thank you God for these challenges at love, for to overcome this- the love for myself and all will only grow!

The Aquarian Teacher

2011-03-23T18:34:00.000-07:00

The Aquarian Teacher:

As we embark on the new age, one question comes to mind: what is an aquarian teacher?

An Aquarian teacher is a person with presence. Presence will be more important in the future than the knowledge, expertise, and information the teacher carries. The Aquarian teacher will inspire his or her students without having to say a thing. The teacher will be a person of magnitude because they radiate qualities within the ONE soul that the student wishes to connect to.
They deliver through the act of conscious love for all. The Aquarian teacher delivers experiences and guides the student to the seeing and being interdependent with God, without imposing his or her ego. She/he does it through love, compassion, accepting, and allowing. The Aquarian teacher will encourage his/her students to unity with self, but she/he will not do so with a belief that his/her way is the one way. Instead, the Aquarian teacher will ignite within the student their own creative force that is unique to that particular student. The Aquarian teacher is aware of a systemization of knowledge but he or she is guided by intuition and encourages the same for his or her students.

Transformation...

2011-03-22T21:48:00.000-07:00

Transformation:

Transcending Emotion.
Staying Balanced.
Processing with patience and trust.
Healing with an intention.
Feeling fears.

Transformation:

Journeying.
Forgiving.
Loving.
Creating.
Knowing
Yet surrendering, "I know nothing."

Transformation:

disciplining
overcoming
listening.
accepting.

Transformation:

Living in not knowing.
Letting go.
Enjoying.

Transformation:

BEING

Commit in Advance

2011-03-21T14:34:00.000-07:00

Parents are coming in town for a short period.
Life is fast, it is predicted to feel faster.
So I am taking this time as an opportunity to slow down.
I am letting go of wants- things I feel I need and try to access but really, I do not need.
Right now, I must need my parents.
Right now, my parents must need me.
They are arriving and my heart is open to receive them.

For the short time they are here,
I am serving my parents.
I AM whatever it takes to stay inspired and be inspiring!
It's going to be fun and we are connecting.
I LOVE my parents.

I'm going to tell my dad a story about how much his words meant to me as a child.
I'm going to use my healing touch and presence to love them.
My courage will strengthen them and if they worry, I AM calm and breathing and letting go constantly to hold space for them.

I am patient.
I am courageous.
I am calm.
I am grateful.

Calm that braves the storm

2011-03-19T23:56:00.001-07:00

I am authentic.

I realize, I am processing still from the shootings next door. I suppose I am afraid. I hear the shots still and they trigger me, they rattle my brain. I am letting go.

I am like the calm that is braving the storm. I feel everything and yet I am calm. Death feels so close and yet I do not know. I sit waiting, not knowing. I do not want to talk because I do not want to create more fear and yet, I feel the fear at my door. It is neither my friend nor my enemy. It just is and I have to be with and accept it.

I interact with co-workers and I see they are being that they are right. I see their need for control. I see the Emperor. I remind myself that this archetype also has a sunny side. I have to accept who we are being. I have to accept the ego-ic machine that we often, unconsciously, act from. I feel tired today. I have to accept. I am doing my best to stay present.

My friend cancels on me. I really wanted to see him. I know he loves me. I have to accept that he was being authentic to himself. I have to accept that he chose sleeping over hanging out with me. I have to accept.

So then I become present to longing. I wanted to see my friend because I have so much love to give and I feel safe to give it to him. I do not want to lead anyone on and I feel free to be myself with him, so I realize how much a part of me is not being expressed. I am present to generating joy. It is an illusion that relationship will free me. It is a want but not a need. It just is right now. The reserves within me somehow emerge and bubbles over, I feel peace. Then I notice the thoughts and they bring me back down. I remember to be present again. I am not my emotions. I am not my thoughts. I choose to be the give-away, generous. I focus my attention on outside. This is helpful. I hold points to stay balanced. I'm sure that I am not completely grounded but I am doing my best.

This too shall pass.

Conscious Love

2011-03-19T06:53:00.000-07:00

I EMBRACE Conscious Love.
It is-
Accepting.
Forgiving.
Allowing.
It is based on a mutual goal. The goal of spiritual growth and development.

It is awareness.
Extended through sharing
It is what we need to evolve.
It is supporting another in their spiritual growth and development.
Taking full responsibility for one's thoughts, actions, and beliefs.
Letting go of the need to control, to be right, and manipulate.
Letting go of jealousy, specialness, and expectation.
Conscious communication that is not blaming or attacking.

It is not:
giving to get.
based on a need to feel special or worthy.
to feed one's ego.

Recommended readings: Infinite truth: undoing the ego

If you feel yourself "mad" (spiritual seekers)

2011-03-16T09:02:00.000-07:00

One reason people are more likely to go "crazy" is because who they are being is created by the outside world as who they are. The mad begin to believe their thoughts that they are crazy. They can eventually lose their mind and damage their brain, which will make it more difficult for them to become grounded. This is not to create fear, in fact, fear is the watering of the seeds of madness. Because mad people believe the thought that they are crazy, their ego becomes so strong that their fears become reality, a self-fulfilling prophesy. They do not believe they can be helped so they do not invest time or energy in healing. They become victims and predators.

How would it look if we became more aware of the power of our words? Would we still be trying to classify, control and manipulate others to fit our distortion of "reality"? What is likely to happen is that we will struggle with our "alternative" view of reality with the old belief and ways of being that perpetuate our fears.

If this becomes the case, if you find yourself questioning your thoughts more, knowing that they are not true, you might feel like you are going crazy. You may feel guilty by your knowledge of being a co-creator and creating the things you don't really want. The key to this is: don't believe your thoughts. The truth is that you are becoming more aware and this awareness is key to our liberation.

Be patient and find tools to love yourself.
Seek guidance if you need to.
_________________________________________

Unrevised post

Background thoughts of my neighbor:

She's a nut. Not very grounded and quite paranoid.
Totally afraid.
"Resonate with her"
Ok
It is not that she IS crazy.
It is not that she IS a nut.
It is who see has been feeding.
She feeds "her" negative mind and believes her words.
She feeds "her" negative mind and creates what she does not want.
Her life is full of illusion.
This is the case with all of us to some extent.
How extreme one's condition is depends on what seeds they water and how often.
Madness is contributed as a result OF THE CONDITIONED MIND, the separated self.

And he?
Do we deserve such things to happen to us? Do we deserve to get hurt by those we love?
Are we not innocent bystanders?
I do not know.
All is to be learned.
We are but borrowed bodies.
Have compassion and surrender to not knowing.

Earth and we are ONE

2011-03-16T02:11:00.000-07:00

Like us, the earth cries for balance.
Like us, when the earth gets stressed out, she throws a fit.
She cries for LOVE.
The earth and we are ONE.
What is happening to the earth is happening to us.
The micro IS the macro
It is not us vs she
We ARE the Earth.

We are a stressed out species.
Overburdened.
How do we want to spend our lives?
Mother Earth asks.
She cries for us.
She wants us to respect ourselves.
She wants us to learn from her.
She wants acknowledgment.
She wants us to be balanced and grounded
so she can be at peace.

"Remember me!" She cries.

Let us give thanks to Mother Earth.
Let us honor her.
Listen to her.
Visit her.
Respect her.
Trust her.
Give back to Mother Earth.

Let us remember her.

visualization and medicine reminders

2011-03-14T15:45:00.000-07:00

While sitting I had this sudden vision where I was looking down at Earth. The Earth's aura revealed to be very dark and so then I thought, "Ok. What do I do with this image?" So I started to see light. Pockets of light, expanding more and more. I see light. It exists already. It was challenging to stay with this vision to see it expand to all of humanity. I noticed "my" mind distracting me with ego-ic thoughts having to be about me. Is this what we are facing? The world of me and mine, distractions and tendencies vs the seeing, the being of Oneness.

Perhaps this is a sign. I have been asking for signs and they keep pointing me in the direction of service. Life and living is really about serving others, increasing the vibration of light and love in the world. To me, it is about serving what I call God. I realize that sometimes I am very present to all that I do as an opportunity to serve God and other times, I am impatient and I hunger for full creative expression, outlets. So now 3 animal medicine cards come to mind:

The medicine of ANTELOPE, who teaches that action and service are everyday opportunities in which we must act if we are to create/manifest our desires. The medicine of Ant, who teaches us about patience, trust, and the "group" mind. In setting one's intentions to say, bring light in the world, we must have patience and trust to see when and where our creations unfold. We also must work together and see that we all play a part. We have to be one with each other and work to end the dualistic thinking that we are separate and have to compete (that is ego-ic). Lastly, I am reminded of Alligator, who teaches the importance of proper timing, which is needed for the digestion and integration of new ideas, projects, ect, entering one's life.

Mirroring Wants from needs

2011-03-12T19:30:00.000-08:00

The other day I got really angry. Nobody would probably have guessed but inside I was fuming with heat in my body. How come? I noticed a guy I was working with doing something that was affecting me. I started to think he was doing it on purpose and that THOUGHT created anger and frustration.

Often the people that frustrate and challenge us are really just meant to teach us something that we don't like within ourselves. In moments of anger, ask yourself, "what do I have to learn from this? What is this person teaching me?"

Honestly, I was mad and frustrated because I wasn't getting what I wanted. Oftentimes, he gets frustrated with me for not following what he wants. Is this not a great mirror! Someone is doing to me, exactly what I have done to them and I get frustrated and upset. How do we relate to people when we want something from them? How does it feel to not measure up to what someone else wants?

Considering that the things that we think we want, may not be what we really need, perhaps what I needed was to see the lesson that I keep seeing and hearing a lot lately. "Nobody's perfect. Let go. Your not perfect. Neither are they." Does this help me overcome the frustration and upset of not getting what I want? Yes!

The next time you are angry at someone, ask yourself:

What do I have to learn about myself from this situation? What are they teaching me?
What do I want? Is what I want really something I need?

Is it wise to lie?

2011-03-08T14:57:00.000-08:00

My friend made a statement yesterday that "sometimes it is wise to lie." Is that truth? Is that wisdom?
________________________________________________________________________________________________

First, it depends on who I am lying to. Am I lying to my higher self? Or am I lying to what society, an authority figure, a person or group of people would see inappropriate? According to whose standards am I "lying"?

Wisdom is an action coming from the higher self.

I realize that when I lie, it is my higher self who I am lying to, not anyone else. Sometimes I have a difficult time accepting it and when that occurs, I see that I feel guilty and afraid for not listening. It is not wise to lie to my higher self, however it is wise to accept the choices that I make when I do not listen.

When I accept that I do not always listen to my higher self, I experience love for myself. I remember that I am not perfect for a reason and that God does not judge me. It is my ego that judges. This creates peace within me.

When I am "lying" according to another person's standards and am acting from my highest self at the same time, then perhaps I am not even lying. Rather, I am trusting.

It is wise to listen to our higher selves, to trust and to accept our choices either way.

Define: Wisdom

a deep understanding and realizing of people, things, events or situations, resulting in the ability to choose or act to consistently produce the optimum results with a minimum of time and energy. It is the ability to optimally (effectively and efficiently) apply perceptions and knowledge and so produce the desired results. Wisdom is also the comprehension of what is true or right coupled with optimum judgment as to action. Synonyms include: sagacity, discernment, or insight. Wisdom often requires control of one's emotional reactions (the "passions") so that one's principles, reason and knowledge prevail to determine one's actions. (Wikipedia)

1. The quality of being wise; knowledge, and the capacity to make due use of it; knowledge of the best ends and the best means; discernment and judgment; discretion; sagacity; skill; dexterity. [1913 Webster]

The ego-ic mind

2011-02-26T21:42:00.000-08:00

I just got back from a self-worth workshop that was this weekend, a workshop in which each member went on a personal journey of their life.

In the beginning, when I was asked on what wounds I am healing from, I could conjure memories, but became immediately present to all that I had forgiven. My memories are now just stories and those wounds which hurt me once no longer serve me. I don't need them as much and yet what I come to realize is that what I am healing from is the ego-ic mind.

I see the ego-ic mind and I experience it within myself. The ego-ic mind is full of judgment and criticism. It thinks it is better than others and so it tries to control situations and people. The truth is that it is afraid, because it can't possibly know what will happen in the future. Fear feeds the ego-ic mind and tells it that it must protect itself. The ego-ic mind does not trust situations or people the way they are; this often creates guilt, shame, and self-hatred. The ego-ic mind does not want to learn or listen, it just wants to be right, even perfect. It knows that it is not perfect and therefore seeks validations from outside constantly and so becomes resentful of what people say and do. The ego-ic mind thrives on having it's needs met and suffers when it perceives that its needs are not met.

Our lives are often run by the ego-ic mind, but a healthy ego serves us only as a vessel to create joy and lasting peace. It shares and wants to serve, rather than be served. It is committed to love rather than fear.

It is hard to unravel this straggle-hold of the ego-ic mind and that is why we must have compassion for ourselves and for others. We have to forgive the ego-ic mind and see it for what it is. We suffer because of our ego-ic mind and we fear its release so much that we don't want to let it go. That is if we are even present to it.

How is the ego-ic mind running your life and affecting your choices? What are you afraid of, have a difficult time letting go?

As with me, the ego-ic mind creeps into my thoughts. I know it is the ego-ic mind when I realize I am afraid of something. I am learning to trust others and let go and forgive their ego-ic mind.

It's a process.

"You can never get rid of your fears, you can never get rid of your pain, no matter what effort you make, until you have the guts to forgive yourself. Just forgive yourself." Yogi Bhajan

What I realized during the workshop is that many people are wounded by other people in particular. There are degrees of projection and dissociation, maybe they are stages of healing. Trust their process. Perhaps, we don't forget our wounds as children, we just learn to relate to them differently...

Essential to healing: feeling safe to release emotions that do not serve. Guidance when necessary. Healing support from family, friends, therapist and support groups. Quiet to listen to answers within. Validation of feelings. Letting go. Massage and bodywork. Healthy thoughts, nourishing food. Movement. Forgiveness. Acceptance.

Ways to keep things in perspective...

2011-02-22T20:49:00.000-08:00

How about we keep things in perspective? Whenever we feel bogged down by the physical world, circumstance, opinions, sickness, ect. let us consider that perhaps we are only meant to learn from our experiences. Let us RISE to the occasion and pull our hearts from murky waters.

When we free each other of our judgments, expectations, and guilt, we also free ourselves.

Remember: It's a journey. We are all mirrors.

Practice: remind ourselves and each other that:

I am not my body. I am not my thoughts. I am not my emotions. I am not my personality. I am not my things. I am not achievements. I am not my mistakes. I am a spirit having a human experience.

You are not your body. You are not your thoughts. You are not your emotions. You are not your personality. You are not your things. You are not your achievements. You are not your mistakes. You are a spirit having a human experience.

We are not our bodies. We are not our thoughts. We are not our emotions. We are not our personality. We are not our things. We are not our achievements. We are not our mistakes. We are spirit having a human experience.

_______________________________________________

Things are often not as they seem.

2011-02-19T00:00:00.001-08:00

Yesterday, I got to be with someone else's experience of me as landing "negative." That "I am a negative person" is what I heard/internalized; I felt misunderstood and out of place.

I am grateful for the experience for I got to see my own fear of judgement looking back at me. A mirror for how my own filters in perception distort reality, making it seem one way, while being another. Am I a negative person? Well- in her perception, my stating an opinion and perhaps who I am around her was for some reason filtered through her reality as negative. Perhaps she felt unsupported because maybe I triggered something in her that meant more than it did to me at the time. I am learning that I have to be more aware of my words, stating an opinion might trigger wounds which we can internalize. It's sloppy and yet, opinions mean very little because they can always change. Knowing this, I get to practice letting go and embrace humility. I can not change other people's perceptions of who I am; however, I can accept that oftentimes, things are not how we perceive them to be.

Staying true to who I am keeps me focused and inspired about creating. Suffering about how "others" perceive me as takes me away from who I am in reality.

Welcome mistakes for they are doorways to our own distorted perceptions and beliefs about ourselves.

Being "perfect"

2011-02-10T17:53:00.001-08:00

When i think of the word "enlightened," I freeze. I start to compare myself to all my imperfections. Admittedly, I feel so imperfect sometimes that I think I might want to jump off a roof. (I laugh). That is the human dilemma we face. We love who we are, until we see how imperfect we are. Then, we make ourselves crazy with the thought about being imperfect. We become afraid and hide who we are being and instead we replace our vulnerabilities with a mask that make us seem perfect to others. When we wear masks to be "perfect", we perpetuate feelings that we have to wear a mask in order to be accepted. Also, we perpetuate fear in the world, by unconsciously telling people that they have to be perfect as well.

This has to at least contribute to feelings of "going mad" and dissociative mental dis-eases of the brain. It has to do with a very strong ego and a lack of validation for our true feelings.

Fortunately, times are changing. I see that they are through listening and noticing signs- within myself and outside. I do not believe it is possible to go mad if one is committed to healing, becoming more aware of themselves- their connection to God and the healer within, as well as the signs and support from outside helpers guiding us along our way.

Psalm 23:4:

"Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff they comfort me."

Could "thy rod and thy staff" be our mirrors. Those that show us light from outside. Could they be our guides from our dreams, our visions, and the felt sense. I imagine so. Trust it! Amen.

Following the "light"

2011-02-08T16:01:00.000-08:00

I recall an inspiring tool from a self-improvement book about becoming an effective leader. I can't recall the name of the book. However, it reminds of the importance to view my effectiveness from a circle of influence rather than within my circle of concern.

When I think of my circle of concern, I get overwhelmed, worried, and doubtful about the future. I feel helpless and "not good enough" because I know that I can not control other people, situations, circumstances... When I focus within the circle of concern, I feel less powerful, less effective in the world. I am not present nor inspired.

Then, thankfully, there is always that light, the circle of influence. It is what I can do in the moment. Perhaps, the light shines itself in the form of a mirror- another person/animal, a sign that I notice, or maybe it is a loud voice within. No doubt, though, it is light. It is pure knowing. It is related to everything. It is saying let go. Surrender. It is accepting, compassion, joy, and forgiveness. It is what to do that will bring balance and harmony within myself. "What can I do now to bring me back to oneness with myself and all things?" That is a great question! However great or small, whether it is smelling a flower, taking a walk, giving something away, meditating, crying, understanding... that light speaks and it is the answer to the moment. It is the answer that will ignite and inspire Self. Follow it. Trust it. Thank God.

To negate alternative ways of healing as against God.

2011-02-04T18:38:00.000-08:00

I am healing from the wounds of healthcare and religious wars. There is so much healing to be addressed and our healthcare system is in desperate need of more mind, body, and spirit medicine. It is a harsh and painful reality that some people do not get the care they need; they do not trust outside the realm of our current medical system and/or belief system. It hurts to see that people would limit or shape an experience that is based in a lack of understanding and then negate alternative ways of healing as against the name of God.

Any notion that healing is against God is ludicrous, for how can one's intention be set on creating and restoring life when life itself is created by God.

How can I learn from this? How can I understand better?
It is Possible that:
-I have a different perspective as some people do. That is all. They are not wrong, nor am I.
-It is not one's desire to limit healing, it is a lack of belief in the healing and/or a lack of belief that one can directly channel God.
-We repress our personal experiences and replace it with shame and guilt; it is difficult to trust.
-We often believe God is outside of us and this limits our scope of healing.
-We think that the only way to reach God is through praying.
-We doubt the possibility that we are co-creators.
-I could accept the view: every experience can be measured and pigeonholed into the medical system. The medical system is fantastic and the cure for everything! I choose to not agree; however, I will accept their view.
- I could accept the view: there are no spiritual values to mental health dis-eases. I choose to not agree; however, I will accept their view.
-This is an opportunity to trust and let go. Love and accept what is.
-This is an opportunity to stay true to myself.
-It could be that this is my passion and this is fuel to my fire. I can be grateful.
-This is foundational to understand as I move through life, not everyone will like or agree with me.
-This is an opportunity to practice tools for emotional balance.

Emotional Balance:
30 minutes- alternative nostril breathing, praying, and meditation
Crying, with an intention to cleanse.
Writing this blog.
Focusing. Being present to my friend and her newborn baby!
Gratitude

Why Heal? part 2

2011-02-01T16:31:00.000-08:00

Maybe this will resonate with you and maybe not.

We have all had the experience of feeling full of negative beliefs, thoughts, and attitudes about ourselves and others. We have all, at least at one time, been affected by people slandering words at us. We have all had the experience of enjoying, to some extend, putting people down or rejecting another person, or wanting them to feel bad or excluded.

We often do not question our motives or look within ourselves to see that they exist. We act on our negative thoughts and beliefs because we do not want to consider that underneath it, we feel vulnerable, inferior, guilty, and/or ashamed. We feel resentful that we "have to" or "should" do things that we do not have energy for and we get fearful that our love or self-worth is somehow conditional.

This sense of "not being enough" is what is conditional however. It is a condition of society that we all create and perpetuate out of fear. We fear conditional love so much that we reject people who mirror us and the lack of self-worth that we have for ourselves. When we are born, we begin to see things as dualistic, "this" or "that", "good" or "bad", "right and wrong". We turn on t.v. or watch movies that feed the beliefs of our parents and those around us, creating more fear of conditional love.
There are a multitude of negative and distorted beliefs that we carry around with us since conception. Until we become aware of them and set an intention to heal them, we continue to internalize our fears and project and blame others for being the cause of our suffering.

When we set an intention to heal, we work to undo the layers, the perceptions that bind us. The perceptions or view of life that are filtered through past experiences and beliefs about our self-worth. When we set an intention to heal, we work to see things as they really are, rather than how we think they are. We find that we are no different, we are not alone. We can accept ourselves more and let more love and light shine through us. The intention to heal is really an intention to discover the Ultimate in all things and all people. It is a path and a processes of uncovering layers that we will need to cleanse, purge, and let go of.

2011-01-27T11:01:00.000-08:00

A loved one.
To feel invaded as she.
What I thought- existential reality.
Must need 3 eyes to see.
I know nothing.
So little.
For you are so vast
what does she have to learn of this experience
but of her own identity?
I can not judge to know
infiltrate "her" reality with talk of a "spiritual emergency"
I let go.
because my thoughts delude me with a desire to see healing.
Is this an omen for the human family?
There is both fate and destiny.
Words such as "death" sometimes pervade me.
I do not believe they are my words.
What is left is wondering if they are "hers."
So I sit to calm of this possibility.
That someone I love
may want to die.
And I am not prepared nor capable of this human condition to be alleviated by me alone.
But I do believe.
I believe.
In the power of collectivity and change.
The strength in knowing, there is healing.
The strength through experience that you are energy.
And energy is healing.
You are universal, omnipresent, always there.
Awareness grows.
Yes. Yes. I believe.

The healing path.

2011-01-20T17:26:00.001-08:00

This photo is from OSHO TAROT. "The Outsider." I pulled it yesterday while at Om shan Tea house. It is of a boy who is behind a gated wall, looking to the other side. He thinks he is bound within the walls, however the gate is actually unlocked.

Spiritual practice is getting me present to all the neurosis that I am dealing within myself, such as that I am torn between tendencies and desires and knowing and trusting what is good for me at this time. Sometimes the path of healing does not seem to be healing at all, but I know that I am meant to learn from these experiences. I am clearing the perceptions that bind me and as I do so, I am faced with a great deal of spiritual tests.

It's very challenging to consider that everything and everyone I encounter are really just aspects of myself. It is challenging to admit that I am "wrong" or responsible for things happening to me and it is even more challenging to see that I am responsible for other peoples faults, interpretations, and/or judgments of me. It is also a feat to experience solitude in a room full of people, to feel "different," and yet know that I am not.

Through these experiences, I have will to learn and grow and yet I anticipate breaks that sometimes I am impatient about. They will come. As I use "my" tools for self-care, I breathe into the discomfort. Right now, I am drinking tea and writing these words to express my feelings and authentically share the challenges along the healing path. I share with strength and an inner knowing that this path is the way to wholeness. I am strengthened in this writing.

When projection gets distorted.

2011-01-19T17:44:00.000-08:00

Going out to a tea house. I FEEL beautiful. Then, my mind starts to question myself. Well- do I look good or is the way I feel just a figment of my imagination? Does anyone else think I look good?

It's funny really. What does it matter if anyone else thinks I look good but me? This points me in the direction of that wounded side of myself that fragmented through the judgement of others when I was a child or perhaps before that. The times when I experienced not being accepted for who I am and fell into the belief that how I look on the outside is more important than who I am on the inside.

I like to look good. I like to express myself through beautiful projections of myself about how I feel on the inside. However, that gets compromised when I start doing these things for others and not myself. When I start to look good for others, I am masking my true identity.

Why Heal?

2011-01-19T12:17:00.000-08:00

Why Heal?
How much of us are in our own energy?
How many of us are affected by the energies of others and past situations, circumstances?
How often do we look at mental and physical dis-ease and relate it to spirituality?

So many of us day to day make choices that affect our health- mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and physically. We are a whole system of energy. Remembering a wise quote by Yogi Tea, “we are spirit having a human experience.” How many of us in our day to day lives really remember this?  It is easy to forget that we are actually living souls and that we are here on this earth to learn from our human experiences. When we die, do we really think that we no longer exist? Our physical body dies but do we think that our spiritual body dies too? Do we believe that the affect we had on this planet no longer has an impact? If we bring to mind Jesus, Martin Luther King, Ghandi, and anyone else whose physical bodies are gone but has impacted our life today, we can believe that their spiritual bodies actually are still vital within and outside of us.

So this brings to mind a larger question, how often do our choices day to day feed and nourish us spiritually? What impact does this have on others? On the planet? On our health?

Setting an intention to be on a path of healing is entering into a new paradigm, it is entering onto a path of wholeness. It is reconnecting to our soul, to who we are at our core. This is the foundation for good health. How many of us have tried to lose weight or to be liked, in order, to be accepted by society or someone? When we compromise our integrity by masking our true identity through the attachment and expectations of other people, we lose ourselves and disconnect with our essential qualities, our creative aspect. When we do this, we feed wounds rather than nourish them.

“I” believe that we are all wounded and that we are here to heal. Even though we may not stop to realize, anytime we are coming from fear, rather than love, we are feeding wounds of separation that we can heal from.

Healing is our birthright!

Adaptation

2011-01-13T09:42:00.000-08:00

Words from Swamiji
People who are nasty, irritating, annoying or who seemingly work against you, may have been sent in order to show you that you are intolerant, impatient, capable of ill will, spite, retaliation or a spirit of vengefulness. Unless you are provoked, how can you know what is within you?
______
The adaptation to be in the world and not of it. I'm hiding out, inward mostly. It's the time. i accept. However I see the baggage has not been completely dropped, followed by fear of not being provided for. Is this not the greatest fear? I don't know. I've been making myself wrong for any acting out of ego, I realize. I feared becoming delusional. I noticed within myself ego talking, acting with an agenda. I felt flooded with guilt. But now I am realizing, how else am I to choose differently without this awareness?

I have been acting with an agenda. I have been acting out of fear. I can surrender now. Now that I am aware of this, I can surrender and find peace in remembering that the present moment is all I have. I do not need to be ahead. I do not need to be anywhere other than where I am at in this moment. I just need to listen with my heart. The heart never lies.

Everything is perfect in this moment. I am who I am being in this moment. I love who I am. I choose my thoughts. I am healing. I desire the same for everyone. When I start comparing myself to others, I suffer. May we all be free of suffering.

Cut and pasted from email: kundalini teacher training.

"This adaptation requires 3 specific motions:

#1 Stillness: The motion of no motion, the ability to drop the baggage of the past
100%. You cannot give, if you have an agenda. This is the trap of vertical desire.
The desire to be just a little closer to the light than everyone else. This chasing
around to be the most devoted, the biggest groupie, is a distraction from drilling
the well. This first phase is the phase of the inner Buddha, the ability to vibrate
without issues. This is the skill of Sadhana.

#2 The gift of Humor: The Cosmic joke. The things you can't laugh at are the areas
of attachment and regret.

#3 A frequency of service, a way to give, a way to connect as your authentic self.

The fear of judgement

2011-01-11T21:12:00.000-08:00

I had the experience of "feeling" judged today. I realize I am probably judged often; however, I am now seeing that judgement is just a part of the universal mind, the negative mind that 'longs to belong' and judges oftentimes, inappropriately, to protect itself when it feels rejected and/or scared.

Could it be that what we are dealing with is a projection? We are afraid of being judged because we are judging ourselves. We react defensively and unloving, to protect ourselves from the judgement that we are experiencing within ourselves.

I am becoming more and more accepting of other people's judgement of me, recognizing that it is a fear within the One Self, more than it is a reality or truth. It is a tendency to judge that which we do not understand and to deny feeling vulnerable to our own internal conflicts. It is easy to project and to judge others because then we do not have to deal with our feelings and fears around being imperfect.

Instead of reacting to other people's judgement, despite feeling uncomfortable, express gratitude; for if not for our mirrors, how are we to see ourselves?

I am grateful for being judged today and I release that judgement and I forgive myself.

Advice: "Good" medicine or "bad" medicine?

2010-12-25T23:46:00.001-08:00

An aspect of myself that I have difficulty accepting is my need to advise. The humiliating part is that I do not even notice when I am advising and I have to be with the discomfort that I do this oftentimes unconsciously. "How annoying?" I think that must be.

The blessing is that I get to pay more attention to distinguish:

Am I sharing? Is what I have to say coming from personal experience?
or
Am I advising? Is what I want to say based on a perception of what I think would be helpful for another person?

I know this will be a good challenge for me. A challenge in sacred listening. A challenge in trusting that we are the commanders of our own destiny and all is as it should be. A challenge in being accepting- of myself and others.

I am eager to share tools cause I want to help ourselves heal from the lies and distortions we were taught through conditional love. Admittedly, I am on this path as well. However, I need to let go of the idea that I can help people who do not want my help or ask for it. I can only focus on myself; I can only focus on what comes up for me in the moments that I want to advise to meet "my" challenges. I also see what is "good" medicine could be "bad" medicine depending on one's perception; as well as the opposite, what is "bad" medicine could be very helpful for someone. It all depends on how we relate to the things we do; therefore, if I seek to advise when I am not asked, I could potentially just be serving "bad" medicine, contrary to what I want.

Inspiration through Kindness

2010-12-23T11:10:00.003-08:00

January 10th 2011

Give thanks to kindness.
When people are kind they are essentially living without fear.
They are living courageously.
For to be kind, we are giving people the opportunity to be themselves in the moment.
We are accepting and we are present enough to see that "there are no others."

It is a constant practice.
Lets say opportunity.
Give thanks to kindness.
For in every moment, we can reach out and ignite.
We inspire.
Through light and love
-may we all inspire.

Denial: darkness// violent crimes

2010-12-23T11:10:00.002-08:00

Janauary 5th, 2011

I like to deny that there are such things as evil; although, I am firm in my belief that everyone is good at their core. The other day, I was again at odds with this knowing, when I got a hotline call from a disabled survivor of rape. She was assaulted a couple of days before and was experiencing a great deal of fear and physical pain. Apparently, disabled and handicapped survivors of sexual assault and rape are much more common than one might fathom. Indeed, sexual abuse is one of the most widely unacknowledged acts that traumatize individuals and communities throughout life.

Because this blog is about resonating with one, I seek to see how someone like me can do such a terrible act. The belief is that it is not possible. I am too aware of the love that lives inside of me and others. So, perhaps it is that perpetrators of rape and other crimes do such things because they are not aware of the love inside of them.

Perhaps they hate themselves.

Perhaps, the perpetrators are surrounded by violent crimes. They watch it on t.v., see it in movies, in the newspapers, maybe violence for them is the only thing they've learned about how to release their own fears. They release these fears through projection and manipulation onto others, for some sense of control which they lack. They want love but they don't know how to ask without manipulating others.

Perhaps they are experiencing trauma somewhere held in their own bodies. Many perpetrators of sexual assault have been sexually assaulted at some time in there life. Maybe they are ashamed. Perhaps, they are unaware and have difficulty letting feelings pass through them so they act on their urges. They do not know how to deal with felt sensations.

Perhaps it is societal conditioning that influences sex offenders and other perpetrators to act on urge. The imbalance of the masculine and feminine aspects within each of us, which we often deny. We reward logic, sexuality, and reason and dismiss feelings and intuition.

Perhaps there are perpetrators who are conscious of their acts, they plan them out step by step, but like a drug, a tendency, or another "bad" habit, they choose not to feel or look deeply within themselves.

Perhaps perpetrators attract negative energies that, like a parasite, feed and live off of their weakness.

We are all animals, at least partly, acting sometimes on desire and impulses and sometimes not. I can resonate with all these possible "reasons." I see: There are degrees to which we act, just like there are degrees to how balanced we are in any given moment.

I don't really like to make excuses for people acting like animals, doing ugly things to hurt other people; however, I walk with Deer medicine, who teaches that unconditional love is loving both light and dark and that fear does not exist in the presence of love. If we want a solution to end violence, we have to stop denying that we are any different from those who act out in horrible ways. When we deny that we are one, we build on the illusion that we are separate and perpetuate fear out into the world.

Life is full of choices.

2010-12-23T11:10:00.001-08:00

4:00 a.m woke up for sadhana. I acknowledge all the little steps I take. I can't remember ever getting up that early for myself and today I did. I did it for myself to strengthen my will and to create more harmony and balance within myself. I did it because I noticed an experience of guilt for having an "imperfect" practice, leading me to doubt myself.

Focusing on the guilt of past actions, often lead to worries about the future... however, focusing on the small stuff that we can do will help us see that life is full of choices. When we make choices that we later regret, there will always be opportunities to
make another choice that will bring us back to harmony. The first thing we can do is take responsibility for our choices. I remember noticing how free my friend Ryland was when he CHOSE a difficult situation that he was being presented with. This way of being completely inspires me to choose my experiences, despite the challenges, to free myself of the illusion that I am not free. Seeing choice also helps me to let go of the distorted belief that I am inherently "wrong".

Focusing on what small steps can be made helps me to be more present to living in the now. I am much more inspired to learn through who I am being about things, and especially when I am being in integrity, that is when I am honest with myself. Because, even though I may not yet have the discipline or the lifestyle to get up every morning for sadhana, everything I do that reflects what is really important to me, such as devotion, commitment and love brings me back to harmony with who I am at my core.

2011: Commitment and cultivation

2010-12-23T11:10:00.000-08:00

This new year, I am committed to being completely in my own energy. Recognizing when I am and when I am not, continuing to learn energy boundaries to release the energies which are not mine. It is a practice. I am committed to self-care, self-love and cleaning my mirror. My path this year is to continue to learn and grow from all my experiences. My path right now is in cultivating the soil in which I dance through life.

The soil- is rich, healthy. I feed it good thoughts, with people that nurture creative ideas. I am curious about everything and therefore, I remain alert and always learn. I remain true to my internal convictions, that which resonates, listening according to what the soil needs in the moment. Inspiration is fed with good conversation, study, practice, and service. Even seemingly negative experiences have something to teach me. They go to the compost and get digested into fertile soil. I am dancing in the world: active. nourished. nurtured. Listening. Trusting. The earth supports me. God supports me. I know this and therefore, I can let go with more ease.

Loneliness

2010-12-22T10:48:00.000-08:00

I've noticed and been contemplating loneliness lately. I've been feeling/experiencing it, knowing however that it is just a feeling and not really true. I KNOW at my core that I am never alone and therefore this loneliness is illusion, like so much else. Everyone experiences it. We often wait to be saved. We distract ourselves from having this experience. We deny that it exists.

For what am I lonely of? Is it to be seen? To know that someone gets me? Walks beside me? To know that I am loved? To feel the presence of another? To experience intimacy? Or is it to be touched, experience affection? To know that I am wanted? I've created these thoughts, these ideas; however they are all attainable, they are already present. I can love and be loved, even when no one is in the room. In fact, no one else IS in the room. I see that I have been isolating myself; however, love is always present wherever I look.

I often choose to be to myself. I often choose to be non-committed and unattached. I want to be free and my choices reflect that cause i do exactly what I want, when I want. It is rare that I "have to" and I often don't show up. I am authentic to myself about what I want; however, I am considering this loneliness, as a need for balance.

What do I want?

I want to show up more. I want to be out. I want to resonate with everyone.

So I am. I am showing up more. I am meeting new people. I am being an invitation for "others" to know me and for me to know "others." I see us all wanting to be seen, we all experience feeling lonely. I know that I am loved and I am not afraid to invite or show up because I know that it matters, simply because I carry the attitude that it does.

In a tarot reading, I asked "how come this experience?" It created another realization that I hadn't seen. My experience has been created from a "regret of past actions," "guilt." It is true, I have been feeling guilty that I have not looked into tickets or put much time or effort into seeing my family in Los Angeles. I haven't gotten it together, even though I want to see them. I am afraid that they are going to make up a story about me and it will feed loneliness within them.

So with this realization, I must accept. I must accept that I may not see them. I must accept myself and not create stories. After all, they choose too. I must accept myself and where I am at and know within me that none of it means anything. I will see them. I stay present to what I can do and I honor my present limitations.

Honoring Jesus through Forgiveness.

2010-12-17T12:31:00.000-08:00

Jesus teaches about forgiveness, for even through abuse, ridicule, and torture, he had the space in his heart to forgive those who were doing him harm.

"Forgive them Father, for they know not what they do.”

How many people can we forgive today? I believe Jesus would rather us honor his birth this Christmas by rejoicing in his teachings and forgiving one another, than through mass consumption of things. Every time we forgive another, we are healing ourselves of wounds and clearing space in our hearts for more love to enter. Every time we forgive another, we are clearing hurt in them, freeing them of guilt and creating opportunity for different ways of being.
____________________________________

Forgive me Father, for I am afraid of my neighbor. The neighbors across the street, from where I heard shootings. Forgive me for it is difficult to see them- eye to eye. I do not want to look at them. I feel intimidated by them and I wish they did not exist. I want to cry for the people that know them, the innocent...at least the children.

"Fear not my child. For you are they and they are you."

O.k. I remember when I, in school, fought for my protection. It was what I knew how to do, to react to criticism and meanness. I felt vulnerable and I fought because I felt this way. Like them, I fought for my protection because I felt threatened. Even though, I wasn’t ever really. It was ego. I know now. It was protection from my ego being hurt. If nothing real can be threatened, then what do I have to fear. I enjoy my body. I enjoy this existence; however, if I die, I will die in peace, believing that I will be an angel and if not, I will reincarnate until that time comes.

To them life is a battlefield.

Do I perpetuate their fear by calling the cops? Whom have guns? They create problems because they do not receive love. They may have been brought up into meanness and shame. They may be dealing with energies that are not even their own. They cause and create problems also because they do not know love.

Are cops loving?

Cops are afraid too. Fear perpetuates itself.

I pray for them and I pray for there protection and those too that they are
fighting. I pray for peace. I pray that they see and experience love. I pray to be a source of love, rather than a source of fear for them. I pray for guidance and protection.

I forgive my neighbors and I forgive myself for courting negative ideas about them.

What are we here for?

2010-12-12T16:41:00.000-08:00

Fear not love, however examine that which it is based on.
Is it need?
Is it desire?
Is it loneliness?

Is it compatibility? Comraderie and/or spiritual development and growth?

We are often not aware or we forget that who we encounter in life are gifts from the universe, blessing us with lessons to reflect upon. We are light and love and we could be intentionally, purposefully choosing to live life this way. Instead, we often get out of presence with others, filling ourselves with lies about ourselves and forgetting who we are. We then begin to distrust, become needy and start to see those that are in our life, not as extensions of ourselves, but "others," those who give to us something that we do not believe we already have. This drains our essential life force and effects our spirituality.

So what if we all make a daily commitment to see that those we encounter in life are really just extensions of ourselves, gifts from the universe. How about making a commitment to see the presence of love in everyone, and base our encounters on our own and each others spiritual growth and development. What would life be like if we let go of our attachment to be right, to get ahead, make money...ect, and began to accept that all we are here for is it heal with and experience unconditional love and acceptance.

Personally, I feel powerful to make this commitment. This commitment helps me to direct my life with purpose, to walk with courage and dignity. It helps me to accept where I am, who I am and it helps me to let go of attachment and not knowing.

I thank the universe for the lessons and gifts of love and light reflected back at me.

Self-Reflection and Being with what is

2010-12-12T10:47:00.000-08:00

Written Yesterday:

BLUE HERON :

It’s medicine reminds us that “self-improvement is best accomplished by balancing the desire to change with gentle discernment”

Yesterday I noticed myself feeling a little guilty about missing practice. I was tired and conflicted, as I sat on my floor in contemplation. “Should I push through and practice or should I listen to my body and relax?” So I was carried with the medicine of Blue Heron, which reminded me how little things matter when I become self-absorbed and start criticizing myself. Blue Heron teaches that self-reflection is never self-criticizing, rather it is a peeling of layers of truth that are bound in being simply human.

This reflection helps me to see that whether I miss a day of practice or not means absolutely nothing; it’s that I forgive myself that counts. It is my reverence, my honor and respect for myself and it is knowing who I AM: devoted, committed, LOVE. I know that I am always forgiven when I forgive myself.

Other valuable lesson that I can take from this? Well- the night before missing a day of practice, I chose to drink wine and be with a friend. Drinking affects my balance. I had a good time, but I also like to be balanced. So the experience helps me to see that with every cause there is an effect and ultimately, I choose.

I am grateful for these experiences.

Peace and Awareness

2010-12-07T11:33:00.000-08:00

As my nervous system gets stronger through spiritual practice, kundalini yoga and chiropractic care, I am more sensitive and less drawn to substances and other unhealthy ways of responding to emotional "upsets," such as fear. Also, I notice that I am much more self-contained and less driven by impulse. I notice through feeling more and this creates in me awareness. Even so, I know this feeling can not be taken for granted, for there are moments when my will fights with my desire for emotional satisfaction, reward, and tendencies that take me out of being present. I am reminded that this work on SELF and seeing ONE is a constant practice, a constant playing ground where there are moments when I simply feel tired, frustrated, lonely, and scared. Yet, as with any other playground, I see that I am not alone. I see that there are some people who are very energetic to play on this playground, they are sharing resources and being with each other, and there are people who do not yet even know that where they are is a playground. These people tend toward violence and react in ways that perpetuate fear. However, seeing that choosing to play on the playground is a constant practice, I realize that these people are also me.

Put into perspective, I am choosing to see life as a playground, rather than a battlefield, despite the violence that is happening in my neighborhood and in the world. I am choosing awareness. I am choosing oneness. I am choosing peace through this awareness. Peace from within vibrating throughout the playground, thereby creating more of it. I am choosing also forgiveness, for when I fall out of the game that life is a playground, I must be gentle and forgive myself so that I can bathe in my humanness and continue playing.

May this vibration of love penetrate into hearts whose tendencies are toward the battlefield. May we be reminded of the love within ourselves and choose peace by seeing oneness in each other.

letting go of specialness.

2010-12-06T13:41:00.000-08:00

A course in Miracles:

"To value specialness is to esteem an alien will to which illusions of yourself are dearer than the truth...Here is your savior from your specialness. He is in need of your acceptance of himself as part of you, as you for his."

The cosmic game. To live in truth, in knowing that we are one and the same. No one is special but we are all the same. So when we strive to be seen as special, we are really denying ourselves and others the right to be the same. Thus, we are diminishing ourselves and others when we compare, deny, and/or separate one from another. This is when we start to live an illusion. We begin to create ourselves as "different" and build on the illusion of separation and fear.

So even when I judge myself, I am distinguishing others as different from me and I am perpetuating negative emotions and guilt out into the world. If I deny myself my own humility, I am denying others there right to be who they are. If I do not accept myself, I do not accept others. If I do not accept others, they do not accept me. When we do not accept ourselves, we build on an illusion, and so the cycle continues.

I see the challenge as coming down to this: when we HOLD situations on the material plane of reality as more significant than our own and others spiritual growth and development, we feed and begin to live an illusion. The challenge is in Letting go.

So CHEERS to being ourselves and setting each other free.

"Wearing my heart on my sleeve."

2010-12-05T06:50:00.000-08:00

To mom:

Heart:
I choose.
To leave it exposed.
To stay vulnerable
Although at times, i want to close it out of fear.
Despite suffering
Remembering, who I am is love.
The wounds, which are not love, are what I am healing from.
The wounds of separation and fear itself.

I choose to wear my heart, not on my sleeve, but where it resides.
However open and exposed.
I walk courageously
Knowing.
To do so
means everything and nothing at the same time.
With gratitude.
I am thankful for all for the opportunities to see myself, the ONE self.

Resonating with One: the Negative Mind

2010-12-02T23:47:00.000-08:00

The universal mind.
Interesting how two clairvoyants advised me the same thing, without me even telling them.
People's energies like to stick around me.
Ask them if they have a message and kindly, thankfully ask them to leave.
So today, I took some time communicating with what message I might be learning about the negative mind.

After practicing yoga all day and then while taking zumba class, the negative mind started to disturb me. A great deal of judgement and self-abuse I was hearing. I was really surprised and naturally, I wanted to tell the negative mind to "shut up," I wanted to suppress it. I felt ashamed of it and...honestly, I do not feel that this energy is mine. I believe it is a spiritual test. So what do I have to learn? What message am I getting?

It is that ability to resonate with one. The message is that people are carrying around other people's energies and abusing themselves and judging others and they do not know what to do about it. They can't stand their negative mind but they do not know how to shut the negative mind up, so they judge themselves and they judge other people and they do not evolve because they feel stuck.

This too could be me. I can resonate with the feeling of, after hours of practice and diligence and devotion, a good deal of frustration and worry that I could end up stuck in samsara, the karmic cycle of death and rebirth. However, I am not giving up and for whatever path I am on, I am certain that it is in healing.

Contemplation

2010-11-30T17:25:00.000-08:00

"For the ignorant, this body is the source of endless suffering, but to the wise person, this body is the source of infinite delight."

Falling in love/ self-love

2010-11-27T12:14:00.000-08:00

I believe I am falling in love.
Does it mean anything...?
I will just let myself be with this experience.
My heart open. Grateful. Vulnerable. Scary. Joyous. Desirous.

Stay present.

I let go of what it means.
I let go of expectations.
I surrender to whatever it is.

I do not know what is in my own best interest.
I only "know" that this is a practice in self-love and being present to love's presence.
A strong mirror perhaps. A reflection of myself. Yes.
This is not selfish love.
It is relating with purpose.
It is relating to know self- God.
It is a choice.

So I remind myself
to stay authentic to me.
while keeping an open mind. an open heart.
Firmly rooted in intention and purpose.
The purpose which is to see God. To see Love.
To see the reflection of myself.

Emotional balance during challenges

2010-11-22T09:44:00.000-08:00

The past 2 days were bumpy, as I noticed myself in my thoughts more. Thoughts about scarcity, not being enough, as well as feeling sad and broken hearted about friendships.

I comforted myself a great deal yesterday, knowing that I am never alone, acknowledging that friendships on the material plane of reality are an illusion anyway. What does it matter if I or a friend emotionally distance from each other? Does it mean anything? Perhaps only that ego was driving the relationship. A friend wants to be more than platonic friends, there is no reciprocity, one perhaps is left frustrated and needs distance...all to serve the ego, but perhaps for respectable reasons. He said, "I have to let go." "I don't feel special." I said, "ok," and I was fine with it, except perhaps, it opened his very same wound in me. "I don't feel special."

I can find humor in that. After all, I can relate to how frustrating it is to NOT have my desire to feel special fulfilled by another person. So- I'm swallowing good medicine.

The challenge really is in staying open-hearted to new and developing friendships, despite ego's desire to fulfill a need to feel special.

Practices for emotional balance:

I trust.
I surrender.
I am one with God.

A calming, warm bath with aromatherapy for the heart center.
A walk in the cool night with fresh air.
Alternative nostril breathing- 10 minutes+
Meditation, holding acupressure points. 11 min +
Reading with purpose to understand self.
Yoga
Visualization to elevate the heart. Good Eagle medicine.
Listening to body, to go home and nurture self- despite fulfilling what I "have to" or "should be" doing
Turning my phone off and cutting off communication to focus on myself.