Revised/continued: I want a partner is that true? Questioning thoughts.

"I want a partner," is that true?

Sometimes I get impatient and lack trust in finding true companionship. A friend who will really be my friend, without expectation of sex or anything more than who I am in the moment. Perhaps, in part, this comes from a story that I've created that all men are looking for a relationship or sex. Perhaps we are getting older and people are feeling more interested in deep intimacy and they wonder how deeply intimate a platonic relationship can go...

I believe that- I AM PROJECTING! HA!

I accept that I want intimacy. I desire true companionship, a great FRIEND who is patient and loving and interested in moving slow, someone who is more interested in being my friend than having sex with me.

I am learning that:

I do not need a relationship with any one person to fulfill my need to feel special. In fact, it is not what I want at all! I don't want a relationship to feel special, to feed my ego; I desire true, authentic relationships/friendships. I desire to know and be with other beings who are on the spiritual path with me, they want to learn about themselves and create for the good of others and the earth!

I am enjoying just BEING with friends and by myself, every moment is an opportunity. There is so much power in the present moment, so much more to experience. It is a constant practice and I often have to remind myself. It is getting easier to notice however.

I notice and I love the giving and receiving in relationship. When I stop being generous, I feel less connected to my true self.

Deep intimacy can be felt in true friendship, where the seeds of trust and love are without conditions; It starts with the self.

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I want a relationship? Is that true? Would it mean that he/she was always around? I don’t want that. but yes, I want to be with someone where quality resides over quantity and yet, I have the integrity within to not take offense. I notice that this frustration of not feeling wanted or loved, only comes from a need to feel special, which culture has conditioned me into thinking "IS" love. to feel special is not to be loved. I know that I am loved and appreciated because I AM love and love expands and extends to others loving me. This is not self-seeking, but, what I believe to be a universal law or truth. It just is.

when the time is right, he/she will come. It will be natural and easy. He/she will want to be with me and will also understand the essential quality of space and balance. He/she is beautiful and loving. I will feel all the love, an unconditional love, real and divine love. "They" will be present with me to see and know me. Our love will slow down time. It will be healthy. We will both be committed to a mutual goal: spiritual growth and development. Until then, the love within me grows. I am watering the seeds of self-love.

Freedom is a State of Mind: working through guilt and fear

Mountain Lion Medicine teaches, lead by example, through personal integrity.





Guilt:

Today, I am letting go of guilt. I am becoming one and resonating with all those people who feel guilty and ashamed because they are out of integrity in their own lives. I feel out of integrity, driving so much. I feel out of integrity because driving is not sustainable and it is not who I am. I am resonating with all those people feeling heavy because of their own choices. I see that I choose to have a car. I will let the guilt go and I will be grateful for my car, for right now, it has a purpose. I am grateful for my car.

and..living alone. I feel some guilt because I am living alone. I really like to live alone. I feel I need the space for my balance. but is that true? Probably it is not. I do not need to live alone, I just want to, and I can accept this choice, because this choice came from a vision and I do not regret listening to this vision. I have been doubting living alone because I am working a lot and this transitional period creates anxiety for me. Breathe.

“This too shall pass.” Whoever said those words, inspires me. Guilt. Fear. They are low vibrations. I choose to trust and love, be patient, work hard, and show up! My vibration already seems to lighten, I feel more free.

I am now remembering the book, “Man’s search for meaning.” by Victor Frankl. Living in a concentration camp, where death was a constant reminder and what did he do? He chose to be generous, to hold space for others. He teaches that freedom is a state of mind.

Nothing Real Can Be Threatened

I believe I am getting clearer at removing the obstacles that get in the way of seeing and being love. Indeed, I ask for it everyday and it is nice to notice. During an intuitive reading my friend affirmed that I have come along way. Could it be at this, in seeing truth, which is love and everything else as unreal?

Today a lesson I am learning came to mind. I had a complaint. I saw myself voicing my opinion, my dislike for a certain language on a piece of paper at work..."required" printed out over a dozen times. While I projected that the language was threatening and unnecessary, the truth was that it triggered fear and I felt threatened. Suddenly, I remembered a lesson, "nothing real can be threatened." Understanding overcame me and I no longer needed to state my "complaint." Why? Because my complaint was based on fear, I felt threatened by the language, but was it truth? Was the written document really meant to be threatening? Was my complaining, my need to speak up, really an act of love or was it my ego, based on a thirst to be right?
It was indeed and as I noticed myself understand, peace restored itself and I was no longer afraid. In that moment, I surrendered to love.

What a beautiful thing to notice! Ask to see truth/love, stay committed and be real with intent and you will be heard. I am constantly present to judgments that arise, as I notice them quickly fall, restored back to love. I am so grateful of this and I am grateful for the mirrors, the spiritual warriors committed to transformation and unconditional love. My comrades!

Xxoo.

I am a spiritual warrior of love

Purpose. I believe I have found a purpose. What beauty it is to discover a part of myself that, at my core, always was. Balance is always a consideration. Peace is always a practice. At more core, who I am is love. At everyone's core, who they are is love. That is what I will choose to see. That is what I am choosing to practice.

Behind all deception, manipulation, and fear is a cry for love. Behind all anger is a cry for love.
We are spiritual warriors of love, meant to shine light on the darkest parts of ourselves.
We are meant to heal in this life...
Every encounter, every situation is an opportunity to heal
-from the illusion of separation
-the ego which separated us
and told us we aren't one.

We are one
and
one is love.

Look at judgement.
Notice how the ego wants to be right.
Observe how this creates separation.
Thereby preventing us from seeing who we really are: love.

Acknowledge Pain. Trauma. Abuse. Visions of past lives.
That keep us from allowing ourselves to experience loves presence.
Love is all around.
We heal with love.

Jaguar medicine

The past few days have been challenging. I struggled and dwelled in financial burden and I have family visiting and their friends who are on vacation. It is not a good time to be social really with so much change in the midst; and yet I cherish being with people, especially my sister who is from out of town. So I am left with room for temperance and the faith that this will be understood in good time and without regret. Temperance is honoring my feelings, to consider my balance according to how I feel in the moment and to act accordingly.

I have also been finding myself indulging in things that aren't necessarily good for me. I realize that this not listening affects my spirit. Although, the medicine of Jaguar is useful at this time. Jaguar teaches about integrity and doing one's best, while allowing room for mistakes, through embracing forgiveness. Jaguar "humbly makes self-directed corrections, allowing a rebalanced spirit to triumph once again.... Integrity requires a forgiving and an open heart."








Who I am is love. My mission is love.

Real men worship womyn

I'll date and be friends with men (and womyn), considering the possibilities, but I'm looking for a real man (probably a man) to share more intimacy with. It's taken some time to realize my own divinity, but now that I am present to myself (God and Goddess within me), I do not need a relationship to feel whole or complete within myself. I have what I need. I am enough.

I desire a lover, sure, but I suppose that the time might not be right. So I'll just wait patiently, knowing, trusting that he will come to me. Our union will be divine and it will be worth the wait.

A man who is present to his own divinity and seeks for balance within the divine feminine. He will be strong-minded, fun, adventurous, loving and kind to others. He will be a gift from the universe. Present to his own divinity, he will be balanced enough within himself.

I'm not going to settle for less.

My faith in the God and the Goddess within all of us.

"Nothing external matters...except as it shows you it's inner reflection."

People come into my life, circumstances arise and I am constantly at thought as to "how come?" Perhaps there is little meaning to such encounters of people coming and going. However they are strong mirrors reflecting ways of being that I have once been or could relate to in some way, oneness resonating. Perhaps these reflections are omens of what is to come.

I surrender. I am centered. I trust. My faith is strong.

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Imitate the wind.
Cultivate the soil.
Know the self.

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"Consider not what will benefit you but what will benefit others and act according to the light you possess now in your life...total honesty is required."

I pray for help in removing the obstacles- the fear of not being good enough, the fear of being hurt- that gets in my way of being fully of service, generous and utilizing of what gifts I already do have, using them to help ONE, for loves sake. Giving for the sake of giving and without expectation to receive anything in return.

My faith is in the God and the Goddess within all of us.

I fear that not enough people see it within themselves//turnaround: I fear that I do not see it enough within myself, is that true?

sometimes I do not feel as strong as I would like. I am very receptive however. Since God is movement and initiation and Goddess is receptive and in touch with feelings- my journey is in cultivating more strength within myself and I would like to feel all the senses more, which requires slowing down. I want to taste, touch, breath, smell, see things for what they really are: divine love. So yes. I see I have a ways to go and I can only teach what I practice. I have some reservations about how much I can help people and this prevents me from being powerful and present.

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"To be in the world, but not of it."

To live a full life. To play the game. To create. To serve and yet not to take things too seriously or take things personally.