Spiritual Crisis as Opportunity

Sometimes the main purpose in life and in what i do is just simply in being grounded, present and aware of who I am as a child of God. I don't believe this is expected to be easy. Sometimes, I need to keep affirming It as me. Sometimes, I just know. When I experience the energy of God running through me, I can feel it as pure joy, full of love, wisdom, peace, and warmth. I welcome it and then, I feel Its energy in my hands and It teaches me and tells me things that I would not ordinarily know. Oftentimes, my clients will confirm it back to me by saying how loving and nurturing my hands are and feeling themselves in a greater state of peace than before they saw me. Other times, I just know because I feel great, totally in the flow and in my body. I imagine this is how people feel when they are happy but they just wouldn't call this energy, God, as I do. I am also quite clear that this energy is for everyone, within us all.

I realize how grounded and centered I need to be in my work and in my life though and for the past couple of weeks, with great wonder, I have also been feeling a sense of anxiousness, of fear- judging myself for what I do and don't do, It is not like I never experienced this before, but it is somewhat more intense. Perhaps because I am more aware of it and myself, that it is somewhat foreign to me. Perhaps it is also that I do not react the way I use to so unconsciously by projecting my fears as easily. I find that my time is spent on JUST needing to focus on being grounded sometimes. The fear is unusual as of lately and it manifests as a lack of clarity and disruption. I believe it is a tool to awaken me more into my true self, that I become more grounded and energized to take on more energy. My system is preparing for something bigger. I don't know what really and I need to let this idea go but it is quite possible and sensible to me. Even considering this prospect gives me energy. While fear of losing my mind would enter, there is also a sheer presence and knowing that this is an opportunity for me to grow. This is my cause and this is how I will help people too. Obviously, this is my path.

So I write to log my experience but I am also knowing the need and desire to turn everything off. I need to let go of everything and commune in nature, unplug from everything, as one of my guides confirmed. The trees have particularly taken a liking to me and I talk to them now. I feel they talk to me and sometimes, they entice me with their textures into pure joy. They are a great resource of peace for me, to give and receive love. There are times, when I think of them or I touch them and I immediately experience great release and tears flowing. I love and appreciate them now more than ever.

The guy I am dating pointed out laughingly that his sister had a similar experience with her environment and in nature, just before "she lost her mind." I believe him with intrigue and also, I don't believe that it is possible for me to go "insane." While many people might account that my experiences, my beliefs and ways of being are "insane," I trust the divine intelligence in me to tell me what I need to do to live in peace, wisdom and sheer joy, more and more, ever-lasting. While the pull into "insanity" is quite easy without resources, tools or trust in guidance through intuition, it is in ITS strength, ITS wisdom, and Its teaching me to be grounded that I am saved.